When you lose, You win.

.. Haaaay. honestly, nahihirapan ako. its really depressing. i dunno. its just that some things are hard to understand and you can't just go with the flow. kaasar. I felt worthless and parang ang hirap hirap lang talaga. I don't need anyone to understand me cos I can't even understand myself. Bakit kasi kailangang maging ganito pa. haaaaaaaay! argh! :( im being avoidant nowadays. hindi ako nag-oonline because I avoid other people. well, its a big adjustment cos ive been online all my life. and the thing is I don't understand why things just won't go back to normal at the end of the hour.

I was in a panic state a while ago. Cos I really had a bad dream. I mean, I don't know if its just a dream.. but I cried (in my dreams and I woke up wiping my very wet eyes) I've had so much about it. ayoko na! Sana dream lang talaga yun! Cos if that thing will ever happen again, I dunno what I'll do next. why do I have to suffer for some to be happy? I didn't do anything wrong. im trying to focus but i can't.. I just can't.. ano ba? Parang hindi ako normal. something is really wrong! and I knew it. And im having a hard time to smile and laugh nowadays. I can't seem to find my happiness. I need a quiet and peaceful time to think & talk with Our Father. I know He'll help me deal with it.

and All I really want is someone to hold me and tell me that everything is going to be alright.