SABI NI BOB ONG..

`mangarap ka at abutin mo ito. Huwag mo sisihin ang sira mong pamilya, palpak mong syota, pilay mong tuta o mga lumilipad na ipis.. kung may pagkukulang sa iyo ang magulang mo, pwede kang manisi at magrebelde.. tumigil ka sa pag-aaral, mag drugs, magpakulay ng buhok sa kili-kili.. sa bandang huli, ikaw din ang biktima.. Rebeldeng walang napatunayan at bait sa sarili.`


Good day, sunlight.

nevermind the title. i just wanna write something since my previous entry was like a week ago na. my vacation is a HELL. actually, i don`t have a vacation because i have classes and a week straight duty at some government hospitals around manila. i only have sundays to unwind, to have at least 10hrs of sleep, have a social life, to chill, to spend time with my family, to bloghop and to write. argh.

im always toxic. im wasted. i`ve lost my mind. im sane.

oooh, i need you.. but how come you`re not here?

im getting paranoid each day. as in i always look up and look how beautiful the sunset and sunrise is. over the blue skies, i have found serenity. you might think that im kidding or something and its not really me because im not fond of these stuff before.. but really, im serious. i love the blue skies (in the morning) and the blue to violet to orange skies (sunset.. everybody does). haaaay.. i soooo love the moon (especially the huge and rooound ones!). i wanna explore the moon. i wanna live there with the stars as my neighbors. behind the darkness of the sky.. maybe, there is something else up there. i don`t know. ill find it out. i told you, im going crazy like hell.

maybe, i just wanna fly. wanna live, i don`t wanna die.

sometimes, they say, the moon is so busy with the new souls of the world that it disappears from the sky. That is why we have moonless nights. but in the end, the moon always returns, as do we all.


tama na ang pagpaparaya aking kaibigan.

ohmygod. is this a curse?

i slept around 5am coz a friend wants me to know what she really feels about HER current situation about this guy. she owes me alot. i know she`s facing one of the toughest situation ever and all i can do is listen and talk (if i have to!). if i were on her shoes, i too would be as paranoid as her.

selfishness must be thrown outside the window. but aaaah-- if this would mean the world to you and your happiness depends on it., maging selfish ka na.

i just sang a few lines over the phone:

you can call me selfish, for all i want is your love.
you can call me hopeless, baby.. coz im hopelessly inlove.
you can unperfect, but who`s perfect?
....blahblahblah.

kailangan niya ng oras upang makapag-isip. ng tama. ng nararapat. ng walang naaapakan at higit sa lahat para sa kanyang ikakasaya. tangina. pare, maging masaya ka naman. go for it. chende mo naman eh. chende na yun. tama na yung pagpaparaya. hindi ka isang santo para magbigay ng daan sa ikasasaya ng puso`t damdamin mo. tao ka lang, marunong magmahal at umunawa. hindi nila hawak ang buhay mo para icambio sa maling landas. alam mo kung saan to patutungo. at kung saan man dapat tumungo. of all people, ikaw dapat ang lumigaya. you deseved this happiness. but you don`t deserve those rumors na gagawin ng may mga makakating dila. walang pakelamnanan. bakit? kilala ka ba nila para husgahan ka nila ng ganun?

wag mo silang intindihin.

what about love?
what about feelings?
what about all the things that make life worth living?

follow your heart and we will always be here for you..alam mo yan! kahit na kalaban man natin silang lahat basta sa ikaliligaya ng puso mo, chende na yun. mahal ka namin kaibigan.

put your happiness first. maging selfish ka naman paminsan minsan. tama na ang pagpaparaya.


HOLY WEEK. HOLINESS. HOLY. HOLY. HALLELUJAH. HAAAA-MEN.

PARKED CAR. NIGHT SKY.

and here`s THE week im talking about:

SATURDAY: well, not actually considered as part of THE holy week. pagbigyan na. sohoreh.



kaye and cla. THE sabado inuman night.




je and nell. getting ready for THE inuman @ sep`s place?! nah. they`re actually sleepy.



PALM SUNDAY.



SABOOOOOOG! massive effect of red horse.


HOLY MONDAY

actually, natulog lang ako the whooole day. as in. sakit ng ulo ko e. bawi muna. kaya yan, sumastar gazing muna. bleh.



HOLY TUESDAY
ganito yan, mahabang kwento. wala lang. pumunta kaming big r or metro east ni je. tapos, last night, pam messaged me. punta daw kami sa condo. chill lang. e ewan kung bakit ako napadpad dito. then, gateway naman after ng metroeast. -->
so, pumunta na kaming shang ni je because pam and nell were there. ayon. 3 malls involved.



pam, nell, kaye & je @ starbucks shang.




sumolo. while they`re planning something




kissin me.




ha? ano daw? bumibilis magplano ah! we`re here na.




overlooking. tralala mountain. Ang maynila sa gabi. tahimik.




nachos. sisig. mango juice. kwentuhan. tawanan. kandila at higit sa lahat.. ANG baraha.




before leavin the tralala mountain.



gooodbye tralala. oo, diyan kami nagstay. sa treehouse ng padi`s. masaya magkwentuhan at magbaraha.



HOLY WEDNESDAY:
natulog. nagbasa. kumain. nagbasa. kumain. naligo. nagbasa. nag-net. natulog.



MAUNDY THURSDAY

natapos magbasa.



tralala mountain.

saving pammy not piggy.

it was actually saving sally. hehe. so, nevermind., just thought of my dear zoobuddy right this very moment. by the way, my zoobuddy`s name is pam. there. so much information.

today is holy tuesday. tomorrow, holiness again. shh..silence please. i can hear ya shouting behind my ears.

pammy drove us there.

we`ve been there. up to the mountains of tralala. we just ate nachos with a very juicy and delicious dip we`ve been craving for like years?! & uhmm the ever-present sisig. don`t worry, we didnt jump from the tralala mountain. we just.. laugh and laugh. talk. talk. talk. talk. talk. talk. talk. talk. talk. talk. talk. talk. talk. oh, did you just heard talk? then, we played in-between and tong-its. i almost won the million. but haah..i lost my specs. tralala mountain says no to gambling.

we had a blast up there. up where? there. a little treehouse that overlooked the entire place where almost everybody down here lives. yeah, were still up there., in the tralala mountain.

tonight is the night of the holiness. ohmygad. where`s the grail? what the fuck am i talking about?

im lost.

going back to the tralala mountain..

seeing the whole manila at peace would also mean a brighter sunshine. brighter than the sunset? haay. its fun to just sit back and look outside your lashes while seeing the sunset changing its colors from yellow to orange to violet? haha. then, totally black out with the stars and the moon to accompany you through the night. then, you`ll eventually thank meralco for giving us a source of light. thank God ofcourse.

after the shallow conversation, a heart pounding wheeler distructed our concentration. it smelled as awful as a bunchful of pooop that poped from nowhere. finally, our eyes took a glance on the right side of the steepest road in the tralala mountain and i couldn`t imagine what i just saw.. it was loaded with my brothers, the pigs. sooo many pigs.. reminds me of my obesity.


i was born on the 24th of June..

JUNE:

Thinks far with vision. Easily influenced by kindness. Polite and soft-spoken. Having lots of ideas. Sensitive. Active mind. Hesitating, tends to delay. Choosy and always wants the best. Temperamental. Funny and humorous. Loves to joke. Good debating skills. Talkative. Daydreamer. Friendly. Knows how to make friends. Abiding. Able to show character. Easily hurt. Prone to getting colds. Loves to dress up. Easily bored. Fussy. Seldom shows emotions. Takes time to recover when hurt. Brand conscious. Executive. Stubborn.

* got this from someone not-so special. nevermind. and hell, sorry for being selfish but i don`t have time to copy `em all. i just got the june ish..

who published this thingy? ..this is sooo me!
bow.


I PROMISE NOT TO DRINK RED HORSE ANYMORE. I PRRRROMISE.. I SWEAR. PEKSMAN.

ayoko na:
-uminom ng alak.
-malasing.

at higit sa lahat, ayoko na: maging wasted tulad ng nangyari sa akin ngayon. sobrang nalasing ako kanina (3am?) hah.

ganito kasi yan, may swimming blahblah kasi kami ng mga friends ko sa bahay ni sep sa north susana (commonwealth). madami kami. teka, iisa-isahin ko: ako, je, nell, paul, angelo, sep, franco, regil, kyzzer, jeff, cla, karen, ktel, al, glenn, abby, cam, roy,. madami na rin kung tutuusin.

usapan namin, 6pm. e alam mo naman, late comer talaga ko eversince tapos sa bahay, nagising ako ng 5:48pm. linchak. 12 minutes to go. e hindi pa ko naliligo at nag-aayos ng gamit. ang kapal ko talaga. pinaghintay ko sila sa meeting place. finally, sabi ko sa kanila, mauna na sila kasi kung hihintayin pa nila ko, 9 pa ako makakarating. ayoko sana bumyahe mag-isa kasi hindi pa ako nakakapunta kanila sep. e commonwealth pa. hah. pero no choice.

lagpas alas-nuebe na ng gabi, nakarating din ako sa north susana. sa wakas. tapos na sila magswimming. ang saya. okay lang, ayoko rin namang mag-swim. so nakipag kwentuhan ako sa kanila, humiga sa stairs habang nagsstar gazing. umingay ang mga lalaking naglalaro ng baraha, so nakisali naman ako sa 1..2..3.. pass. putcha, lalung umingay sa tili ko at sa tawa nila sa tili ko.

ayan, napagod ako. magbabasa sana ako ng libro pero madilim at baka magalit sila sa akin at sabihing kadarating ko na nga lang yan pa yung gagawin ko. so, back to kwentuhan. grabe, ang saya mag star gazing. ganda ng kalawakan. akala ko nga nasa alapaap na ko nun eh. haaaay.

tapos, kumain na kami. late dinner. grabe, gutom na ko, sobra! kaya naman todo mega eat ako. tapos inihaw na tilapia, calamares and porkchop yung ulam. waaah. ulo ng pish ay masarap. ohmygod! ang sarap. kaya bumondat kami lahat. tapos humiga sa couch habang nagkkwentuhan. masaya. umuwi na si kyzzer and jeff. sinamahan ni jeff si kyz. kasi baka daw magalaw sa daan. the best. e alas dose na ata nun. nagpaturo ako kay paul ng in-between and tong-its. madali lang pala. pero nakakaadik.

dumating na si sep and franco. sila yung bumili ng mga mamam. black label daw oh? putakte. buti na lang may red horse. hay naku. akala ata ni franco lalaki ako.. kasi sa mga kalalakihan, puno yung baso. sa mga babae, lagpas one fourth na baso lang. lugi ako. e ako naman, tanga.. hindi marunong humindi sa tanggero. una, ganado pa kasabay ng mga baraha namin. ang kapal ko, first time ko matuto tapos nakikipag pustahan na ako sa kanila. ang ingay namin kasi masaya. nakakatawa kasi wala akong nilabas na pera, nangutang lang ako kay sep ng piso tapos naging 23 pesos na. waha. tawa lang kami ng tawa. napapansin ko, umiingay na kami.. may tama na. naalala ko pa nga na may sinalo pa akong tagay. tagay ng katabi ko. sabi nila, malakas daw ako uminom. tapos, habang nagkakasayahan sa baraha, unti-unting nawawala ang mga tao sa paligid ko. mga nakahiga na sa couch. unti-unti ng nandidilim ang paningin ko. yumuko ako. sumuko ako. sumuka ako. gusto ko pa sana mag-stay pero hindi ko na kaya. nakita ko na lang ang sarili ko kasama ang isa sa mga tunay kong kaibigan.. si je. sinamahan niya ako sumuka. nilinis niya ang mga kalat ko. tinago niya ang retainers ko sa pangambang malusot ulit ito sa toilet bowl. nasukahan ko pa siya. tapos nadulas siya sa akin kasi, bangenge na rin siya. salamat kaibigan.

dinala nila ako sa couch upang makapag-pahinga. naidlip ako ng sandali. sumuka na naman ako. haaay. suka lang ng suka. nung madaling araw na iyon, naging bestfriend ko ang toilet bowl, plastic bag and tissue.

nakakahiya, naging pabigat pa ako sa kanila. nakakahiya talaga yung nangyari. wag na sana maulit. madaming beses na akong nalalasing. pero iba yung feeling ko ngayon. ang bigat ng pakiramdam. tsktsk. kasi hindi na praktisado. noong isang taon pa ata yung huling inom ko. nabigla yung tiyan ko. grabe naman.

pagkagising ko, tatlo lang kaming nasa couch kasi nasa kwarto sila ni sep. binantayan nila ako the whole session. grabe. ang bait nila kahit na sa upuan lang natulog yung iba. salamat sa inyo. pero iba pa rin ang pakiramdam ko.. gusto ko sumuka na naman. nagugutom ako. ang sakit ng ulo ko. ano baaaa. muli, lumapit ako sa kaibigang toilet bowl, minahal ko siya ngayong araw na ito. salamat at lagi kang naka-semento diyan. nawa`y wag kang umalis. hintayin mo ang pagbabalik ko.

breakfast na, naka dalawang subo lang ako ng kanin at itlog. nasusuka pa rin kasi ako. tapos, naligo ako para mawala sakali itong nararamdaman ko. humingi akong candy. natulog muli ako. ala-una na, uuwi na kami. ang init ng araw. mygawd! lalung sumakit ang ulo ko.

hinatid ako nila je, paul and al sa bahay namin. kumain kami ng lunch. kinulit sila ng tito ko. umuwi na sila. natulog ako. nagising ako at heto, nagsusulat na naman.

diyan natatapos ang kalbaryo ko.

napagtanto ko: hindi na ako marunong uminom. ayoko na.


A madness most discreet.

since ive started this blog with a shit, let me finish it with again, a mess.

no, i won`t delete this blog though ive considered erasing this journal many weeks back. wtf. with just a thought of regretting things i`ve done before, it crossed my mind that i won`t stop this online journal and thus continue doing what i`ve started. what i really love. my passion. my life. my pen and paper. writing..that is.

i know, for a short span of a week or two, i might leave this cocoon and face what life stored for me.

i might forget that i do have an online journal. yes, i have a blog. no new layout. no whatever. no one sees my work (except for those people i know!) well, i don`t let anyone see or visit or worse read what my hands are capable of doing. excuse my grammar bloghoppers.

one thing i hate is.. people minding my life. reading my sorta everyday blahblahness. how my boring day went. my uber complicated lovelife. my misery. me as a pathetic human being who takes what life has to give but doesn`t necessarily like it.

ironic, isn`t it? i blog. i blog. i blog. i write. i press the button. i type the words. i love generalizing my thoughts and ideas which cannot be tormented by anyone. tralala they`re already here, superfluous words attacks. i do hate the pa-cool effect of other people. im burning up.

hell, i publish my blog. i don`t save them as drafts. i let anyone read my life. men, that`s bullshit.

what`s with me? i don`t know. i just hate it.

its funny since its an online chuchu.. anyone would be able to read this blog or entry or whatever. but again, forgive me for i am not infavor of this.

im afraid i cannot write anymore.


everything`s sooo fucked up. fucked up. fucked up. fucked up. fucked up. fucked up. fucked up. fucked up. fucked up. fucked up. so fucked up. fucked up. fucked up. fucked up. fucked up. fucked up. fucked up. fucked up. fucked up. fucked up. fucked up. fucked up. fucked up. fucked up. fucked up. fucked up. fucked up. fucked up. fucked up. fucked up. fucked up. fucked up. fucked up. fucked up. fucked up. fucked up. fucked up. fucked up. fucked up. fucked up. fucked up. fucked up. fucked up. fucked up. fucked up. fucked up. so fucked up. fucked up. fucked up. fucked up. fucked up. fucked up. fucked up. fucked up. fucked up. fucked up. fucked up. fucked up. fucked up. fucked up. fucked up. fucked up. so fucked up. fucked up. fucked up. fucked up. fucked up. fucked up. fucked up. fucked up. fucked up. fucked up. fucked up. fucked up. fucked up. fucked up. fucked up. fucked up. so fucked up. fucked up. fucked up. fucked up. fucked up. fucked up. fucked up. fucked up. fucked up. fucked up. fucked up. fucked up. fucked up. fucked up. fucked up. fucked up. so fucked up. fucked up. fucked up. fucked up. fucked up. fucked up. fucked up. fucked up. fucked up. fucked up. fucked up. fucked up. fucked up. fucked up. fucked up. fucked up. so fucked up. fucked up. fucked up. fucked up. fucked up. fucked up. fucked up. fucked up. fucked up. fucked up. fucked up. fucked up. fucked up. fucked up. fucked up. fucked up. so fucked up. fucked up. fucked up. fucked up. fucked up. fucked up. fucked up. fucked up. fucked up. fucked up. fucked up. fucked up. fucked up. fucked up. fucked up. fucked up. so fucked up. fucked up. fucked up. fucked up. fucked up. fucked up. fucked up. fucked up. fucked up. fucked up. fucked up. fucked up. fucked up. fucked up. fucked up. fucked up. so fucked up. fucked up. fucked up. fucked up. fucked up. fucked up. fucked up. fucked up. fucked up. fucked up. fucked up. fucked up. fucked up. fucked up. fucked up. fucked up. so fucked up. fucked up. fucked up. fucked up. fucked up. fucked up. fucked up. fucked up. fucked up. fucked up. fucked up. fucked up. fucked up. fucked up. fucked up. fucked up. so fucked up. fucked up. fucked up. fucked up. fucked up. fucked up. fucked up. fucked up. fucked up.


im glad she`s sunny today.

i see things they`ll never see. that was very catchy. i`ve been bugging you for a week already. i know that something`s gotta be wrong. putting a smile on your face might be one of the few things which can hide all your sufferings. but if you look closer behind that black long lashes, you could see a portrait of a sad little girl.

i know this sounds very unfamiliar with sme of the people we know.

ngayon, unti-unti kong naiintindihan ang mga salitang nais ibatid ng iyong mga mata. marahil nilikha ka upang manahimik at makinig sa mga huni ng ibon sa himpapawid. panahon na naman ng pamumulot ng mga tuyong talulot ng dahon. minsan hindi rin naman masamang maglihim. pero hindi rin naman nararapat na ikimkim lahat ng puso mo ang mga gusto mong masabi. naiintindihan kita dahil may pagkakapareho din tayo ng ugali. naiintindihan kita dahil mahal kita. hindi mo kailangang itago dahil nararamdaman ko na mayroon kang kalungkutan sa loob.

pasensya kung pinilit kitang magsalita. gusto ko lang marinig ang boses mo kung minsan. alam kong kulang pa at hindi pa sapat ang mga nabitiwan ng mga bibig mo na tinanggap naman ng tainga ko. pero wag kang mag-alala, nirerespeto ko ang katahimikan mo. ang pagsasarili mo sa mga problema mo.

kilala na nga ba kita? sasang-ayon ako dahil OO, kilala na nga kita. tindig pa lang, alam kong ikaw na iyon. patawad kung binigyan ko ng kahulugan ang mga nakikita ko at nakapag-isip ako ng taliwas sa iyong ninais. tao lang ako, hindi ko mapigilan ang hindi mag-isip. oo, tumatawa at ngumingiti ka sa mga patutsadang biroko o ng ibang tao. pero hindi eh, iba. iba ang mga ngiti at halakhak na lumalabas sa iyong mga bibig. peke kung maihahalintulad.

salamat at napag-usapan natin iyon kagabi. nandito kaming mga kaibigan mo para sayo. marahil masyado kong binibigyan ng kahulugan itong binabasa mo.. muli, pasensya sa kapirasong sulat na ito na siyang aking nailathala.

hinihintay ko na lamang ang paghahabi ng mga salitang nais kong lagyan ng istorya.

sabi ko naman sa iyo, tumingala ka lang.. at doon, mahahanap mo ako.


sea. sand. surf. summer. SAD.

what`s happening? everything`s soo fucked up. i haven`t updated this blog for so long. (well, yeah. i wrote last march 27 and today is the second of april) oh, not quite long. im just not familiar with this kind of exhaustion. hehe! i wanna sleep and enjoy this vacation (haha! 2weeks vacation? tsk.tsk. its impossible to bond with my barkada coz alot of things happening round here). we`re supposed to have a gimmick last night but i refused to join them because my grandpa was admitted and confined in the hospital. ;(( no reason for me to be happy. get well soon lols! then today, im alone. they all left the house. mommy jo, daddy boy and lj went to church. my tita accompanied my lola. trix slept at our tita`s house. lastly, my lola will sleep at my tita`s place in marikina. she told me that she might also get a full rest in the hospital. we`ve noticed that she eats lesser amount of food eachday. loss of appetite that is. hahum--. they`re all in the hospital. so sick.