what this girl wants.

I`ve been wanting to do this. but my mom doesn`t want me to leave our house. I really want to be independent. I wanna live alone. I wanna have a little space on my own. Stand on my foot. Cook. Wash the dishes and even my clothes. pay my bills (as if I already have a job!). travel alone. Clean the house. . and all the etceteras came in.

Its not that I don`t know how to cook or wash the dishes/clothes on my own. of course, I know how to do those stuff listed above. I just wanna be alone. Gusto ko ma-experience yung tumira mag-isa. for your information, I am challenged to live freely and that`s one of my dreams. Well, not actually na titira far away from where I am right now. Hindi rin because gusto ko silang ma-miss or mamiss ako. but because I want my INDEPENDENCE. Like duh?! Im already 19.. I think im in the right age already.

Okay, may point yung mom ko about that. Iba na daw ang kabataan nowadays.. yeah right., pero, im not one of them. I know the pros and cons of what im doing. im in the right path.. I guess. Yeah, I love night outs.. but not the PARTY HARD thingy. I go out for movies or chillin with my barkada, but not gimmicks. Aryt? Before, I must admit that im into those stuff. But now, hindi na. I don`t settle for mediocrity. of course, I have my mother`s trust. I know that fact. But I can`t just fully understand why she doesn`t want me to stand on my own. well, these are life experiences. Does mothers always knows whats the best for their children? Maybe. Siguro. Marahil. I don`t know. because I am not a mother yet. In time, I would be able to understand why she`s super duper strict (to the nth power) when it comes to me.

When I asked her about it, I got mad at her because a permission was not granted. My mom treats me like a baby and I hate that. I wanted her to treat me like a woman. I kept on telling her that I want my independence. But she doesn`t seem to understand what freedom is.


Why do I even try?!

There is one truth about making decisions.. is it the fact that we are taking a risk?! I would gladly clap my hands and say yes. To expose feelings is to risk exposing our true self. To place your ideas, your dreams, before the crowd is to risk loss. And To love is to risk not being loved in return.

To try at all is to risk failure.

I am exposing myself to this reality because the greatest hazard in life is to risk nothing. The man, the woman who risks nothing does nothing, has nothing.. IS NOTHING.

So.. fly to the moon and shoot for the stars!


♥ No one falls in love by choice, it is by chance. No one stays in love by chance, it is by choice. No one falls out of love by chance, it is by choice. ♥

that`s the vivid color of life. by the way, no one`s inlove.. its just a post.


SEMBREAK.

Oct.17 (mon): went to school. I had my name posted on the bulletin board. Waaah..

Oct.18 (tues): took removals exam on pharmacology. Dang it! twas a hard test. One of the toughest test in my entire life. (nevermind anatomy & physiology and microbiology & parasitology) Fudgerooo! I really hate Dr.P! multiple guess. Wahaha! Thank God, I passed it. yey! 28 students took the exam but unfortunately, 10 students made it. I`m lucky coz im one of them. Then, mumzky dae (a good friend) told me that shez gonna meet up with dadzky at starbucks commonwealth. Waaah. Hindi ko alam yun. I am familiar to commonwealth avenue, pero ive never heard na may sb there in commonwealth. Near st. peter`s daw. Nyak.

Oct.19 (wed): since I passed the exam, time to relax muna. Haha! went to shang then to pam`s place. When I arrived, naka-shorts lang si pam tas I was super naka-jacket pa! So I asked her to change her outfit. Nyak. then, we (pam, pam`s lola and moi) went downstairs coz tita cora (pam`s mom) will fetch us. Then, kami na yung bodyguards ni lola. Tas around 5mins later, we`re there na sa feet for us, auto depot. Tas nagpa-spa kaming tatlo nila pam and lola. Wooooow! Sarap! Heaven. haha! then, had a dinner with them in pier one,ortigas. Walking distance lang from feet for us. Saya. Lola was with us, so sobrang kulit. sabi nga ni pam, sobrang bingi na talaga ni lola kasi 80 something na siya. So dapat pa-sigaw palagi for her to understand what you`re talking about. at first, mahirap kasi mahina lang ako magsalita pero nasanay e, kaya parang pa-sigaw na. Haha! then tita wanted to fetch kuya chris (pam`s kuya) in greenbelt. Yehes! Kuya chris!! Missed him. kaya lang, its already 10pm. then binawi na ni kuya chris kasi gigimik daw siya with his friends. Sooo.. yun, sad ;( I talked to lola na lang while waiting for tita (shhh.. pinapagalitan yung mga therapists) heart to heart talk? Nah! corny to deaf talk!

Oct.20 (thurs): went to galleria at around 8pm. Had my hair treated to the last minute.

Oct.21 (fri) : met up with je and pam at shang. Last make-up duty of je. Yehey! I find myself wearing a super girly skirt plus plain shirt. Hmmm?! Nothing, really. Trip lang. we`re supposed to watch a movie (40yr old virgin) grabe, kaya lang pam is yawning. Inshort, she`s sleepy. I just ate my chunky tuna at plato wraps then baked potato then naglakad kami papunta kila pam for 5mins then magic mic. Sing..sing..sing.. eat..eat..eat.. balanced noh? Haha! as usual, lola was there tas pam slept for about an hour. So un, kwento pa rin, kanta, kain. Then at 8pm, we went back to shang para kumain ng dinner sa wendy`s. were like triplets.. same tummy.. same orders! And we`re always hungry. Bacon mushroom melt. Yen texted me, chill daw tomorrow with lu siblisngs (nana, ching and yen plus net, mary and nadz) at kung sino pa daw. Chende mo na yun.

MRT GALORE
Oct.22 (sat) : waha. I went to school. Dr.P wasn`t there. Waaah. So, I wasn`t able to get my grade.

I headed to mrt station. I bring with me a super huge bag with lots of kung ano man coz mag-oovernight kami kila yen. Chende. Then our call time at yen`s house in tandang sora was 3-4pm. e super early pa yun, 12nn so dunno where I was going tas may fire pa somewhere near east ave. dunno which way I was going ..north or south? Yen told me that she`ll be home at around 4pm pa and nahihiya naman ako kila ching. Besides, im kinda sleepy na rin talaga. so I asked pam where she was. Turns out na opening pala ng resto nila kuya chris sa shang. Yey! Fish and co., so there, hindi na ko nag-iisip sa labas ng MRT station. Twice ata ako umakyat kasi nasa south bound ako, e I thought I was going to north. E yon, nakapag-decide na.. I bought a ticket. Shaw boulevard, finally. After 30mins of thinking kung san talaga ako pupunta.

Tapos, the train stopped at GMA KAMUNING. Malamang may passengers. Then, a bunch 17 and 18something guys came in. Im a keen observer kaya I tend to look at them without them knowing it. okai, I was supposed to be standing in front of the door. Right door facing the view sa south. I hate to sit kahit na may vacant seats pag sumasakay ng mrt. Feeling ko kasi maiiwan ako pag bababa na ako or maiipit sa door kaya I prefer standing then naka-hold sa rails. Then, yun nga, sabi na nga ba ng instinct ko, kilala ko yun eh. Guess who I saw.. si kuya. basta., yung friends niya pa lang yung pumasok, alam ko na. I knew na isa siya sa mga kasama nung guy. I thought I saw champ, (vocalist ng hale) and worse, nasa likod ako nung look-a-like then were holding on the same rails. Tsk.tsk. if ever you`re reading this (well, I know naman na you won`t be able to read this) shocks. Ang nasabi ko na lang.. homaygawd. grabe, we`re in the same train yet he didn`t saw me. nakakatawa, ang liit ng mundo pero nagmistulang malaki ito para sa amin. Hindi man lang nakapag-exchange ng hi and hello. Musta na? Miss na kita. I don`t know what to do. should I call him by his name? Wala, it just slipped out. At yung kinatatayuan niya, I was supposed to be standing there. Did God wanted this to happen? Pano kaya kung hindi ako umalis dun? Perhaps, makikita niya ko. oh well, ganun talaga. due to what happened, na-sad ako and ayoko na tuloy pumunta kila yen.

but of course, I didn`t met pam in fish and co., kasi nakakahiya naman and she`s with tita cora and some other titas. I waited for her coz it’s their usual family lunch kaya hindi ko siya masyadong minadali.. take your time pam. After that, 40mins ata ako nag-wait sa kanya doing nothing, just thinking of writing this blog because of what happened kanina. tas nakita niya parang teary eyed na ko. ofcourse, hindi naman because of the fact na pinag-hintay niya ko basta, alam na ni pam and je yun. Chende na yun. Tas hindi pa pala naliligo si pam. Yuck! Pa-me-la baho! Ayps lang yan..mahal pa rin kita. And she`s the dakilang kunsintidor. Sooo., we went to galleria. Wala lang. nag-inquire sa Gold`s gym. Then we saw someone. Takte. Pam`s crush. Si a.P. (initials lang, chende mo na yun) linchak na gold`s yan oh.. ang mahal! Soreh preh, can`t afford. I would rather enroll in fitness first. At least, affordable and maganda yung mga facilities plus magiging friends mo talaga yung mga instructors and they`re not just hire because of their built or whatsoever. Mga physical therapists talaga sila and they passed an exams similar as the board exam. Ewan, board din ata tawag dun. Sorry na. Motivation is what keeps you going. Na-sad tuloy ako. haaay,, fitness first days last summer.. after that, I ate na naman. since I haven`t took my lunch yet though its already 3pm. ewan. hindi na ata namalayan. Kaya yun, sa usual tambayan.. pam didn`t want to eat coz her tummy`s full pa daw. Yey! Tortilla fusion at galle. Then, stroll.. then 5oth ave then I saw this top, 200bucks dude. So, yun, nibili ko siya. then while walking, pam said: gusto ko non! Nyak! better than ice cream pala yun. Then, we ate again. Hay naku, I will curse you na eh. Then, at around 3pm, umuwi na kami sa shang then I slept there, sa condo nila. When I woke up, tekaye, kuya carlo and lola was there. Si kuya chris nasa resto pa. Si tita nasa spa pa. Grabe, ang yaman ng pamilya ni pam zoobuddy and sometimes, feeling ko im a part of their family na. Yiheee. 6pm na, the phone rang. Twas yen. Thank God, hindi tuloy yung chill. Kasi nga wala na ko sa mood and ayoko na talaga pumunta. Tinatamad kasi sila nana ang ching. Nagalit si nadz sakin kasi hindi ko daw sinabi ng earlier kasi nasa greenhills siya. Then, pam together with lola ate their dinner. Nagluto si lola pero busog pa ko. sayang. Tas mga 9pm, uwi na ko. naalala ko, hindi ko nga pala bahay yun. Haha! whatta day.

when I got home, our phone rang. Comes out, that was tiglet pala. So yun, kwento..kwento..then an incoming call interrupted the story. Yey! Si labs pala. At first, I was super nagtatampo nga to him kasi he didn`t told me that he`s going to hong kong with his family ofcourse, mamyang 4am na yung flight. Actually, secret lang daw talaga yun and kinalat lang daw ni aris kaya nalaman ng iba. Sinabi lang din sakin ni yen. Hehe! bubong! Mickey mouse! Grabe, hindi na daw siya matutulog. 1am na kasi yun.. sooOOo excited to see Disneyland. Aleeew. Sama na ko next time.

Oct.23 (sun) : HAPPPY BIRTHDAY NAHLYN.
nasa hongky na si labs. Anyway, other people might misinterpret the terms of endearment that we used to have.
L-aging
A-ndiyan
B-asta
S-ayo.
Ang corny no? ganun talaga. sorry na, corny kami eh. Skwater pa.

Oct.24 (mon) : chill. Shiyet na dota yan papsy, adik ka na masyado pati si labs pati si wijangco. Nakakainis kaya yun. Ang sarap itapon ng mga online games. Ano bang meron dun? Answer me.
Papsy: bwiseeeeet!
Me: bwiseeeeeeet talaga.
Anyways, chill time today with papsy, pam, nadz and je. Saya. We met up at mega. Woke up late na nga eh. Ewan. ang aliw. 11something ako nagising then papsy texted me at around 7.20 in the morning. Early riser ah.
Papsy: chill tayo. Sine, Lamon saka shopping pero bintana lang. hehe
Then, I called je. Tas sila pam. Waha! For the first time, hindi ako late. Nauna ako sa meeting place. Dun sa may ice skating rink. Papsy was already there mga 10am tas nagDOTA pampalipas oras! Then 1.30 nandun na ko. hehe! aga! Then we waited for pam and je. Tas darating daw si nadz. Papsy, ang nag-iisang lalaki. thorn among the roses. Yey! So, we`re AGAIN planning to watch a movie. Un pa rin., 40 yr old virgin. E tinamad kasi later pa and we`re gonna wait pa for nadz. So, we ate first. Papsy wanted to eat somewhere out there.. joke! Sa cabalen. Ba naman! eat all you can. Ayaw nga namin. We`re looking nga for a gym eh, tas tataba naman kami sa eat all you can na yan. so sa kfc na lang. asteeeg. Tas 4 na, still, wala pa rin si nadz then we went to the bowling center. But we didn`t play bowling there. Billiards dapat but then, nadz came na so hindi na kami nag-billiards. We went outside. Megastrip. Starbucks. Chibog pa rin. Takte naman. we sat there for almost 4 hours. Kwentuhan. Then nilibre kami ni papsy ng Belgian waffle topped with cream and caramel. Yaman, woohoo! Labshu papsy.

Oct.25 (tues) : I woke up late. Kain. Sleep again. Kain. Read a book. Then mumzky texted me, nahlyn was with her. then malapit lang daw sila sa subd namin, so I asked her where. Its 6pm na tas I haven`t took a bath yet. So, ligo na ko. tas naka-pambahay lang ako then she called me up. then punta na ko there kila eric (nandun daw kasi sila). Then, nahlyn made us a Fettuccine. Sarap. One of the best. Thumbs up. 10pm na pala, I forgot. I badly need to go home. E kinda problemado si mumzky sundae so I just can`t leave her.

Oct.26 (wed) : I was supposed to meet up with pam sa shang, nagpapasama. I forgot where. I told her na tinatamad ako. zZzzzzZzz.

Oct.27 (thurs) : SM North. Still tinatamad,, kung hindi ko lang miss si yen, hindi talaga ako pupunta. Harhar. soreh pam! So I met my two girls (yen and pam) in front of cinema 1. So there, we watched a movie. Php 130., grabe naman yun! Porky ni-renovate eh! The legend of zorro. Antonio Banderas and Catherine Zeta-Jones. The movie was arite naman with matching sunflower seeds and chocolate rocks. we didn`t ate kasi after 6 si yen. As usual, plato wraps..chunky tuna and better than ice cream kami ni pam. I bought a gift for Pipo (son ng friend ko), 1 year old na siya sa saturday. Nyaha! We say our goodbyes. ingat sa Pangasinan yen.

Oct.28 (fri) : Bored at home.

0ct.29 (sat) : BRACES..NO MORE!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY PIPO. Sorry, I wasn`t able to go to your party. Im in laguna kasi for my dentist. And late na rin kasi kami umalis sa house. I was expecting na 9pm na talaga ko susunod sa 3pm birthday party mo. Better late than never. I know kinda galit sakin si mitze, your mom coz I promised that I`ll be there. I know. It`s my fault. No one to blame. Maybe the dentist. We left here at around 3pm then got there at 4pm. ang bilis, to think na traffic daw sa SLEX. Well, honestly, hindi traffic. No traffic at all. matagal lang talaga yung dentist namin. To think, 3 kami na nagpa-dentist. E I texted oyie kasi 9pm, nasa laguna pa ko. she told me that they`re about to leave na rin so I didn`t bother na sumunod pa. Next week daw, kila daryl. I must be there.
Attendance is a must.

oct.30 (sun) : it`s raining. I hate rainy days. I cooked ginataan. Yung dessert for mirienda.


oct.31 (mon) : homebody muna. Cooker. Haha! I cooked sotanghon. Kasi its raining. Para sarap.
Then may visitors kami, my cousins. Yey! They`re sooo liit pa. Hehe! Yannah Yssabelle (yanna), ice Matthew (matti) and Joshua. They live in UP village kasi coz they managed a resto there., Chateau Verde. So, sobrang bihira lang kami magkita. But they`re sooo cute. cuteness.

nov.1 (tues) : went to garden of memories, cemetery. I was able to meet my titos and titas
plus insans. Hehe! lawak ng angkan. Tas sobrang laughtrip kami.
Then we left na at around 6pm, kasi were going pa to heaven`s gate, antipolo. Haaay. Pagod. Yun, first degree insans or family naman. (lola, tita mayet, tito jay, tita ollay, mommy jo, daddy boy, jaxx, bj, el-jhey, trixie, ate marina, ate lisa, tito jaycee) we`re again, complete. Lalang. Kwento. Guitars. Kanta. Ice cream. Kwento. Kwento. Pictures. Pictures. Im the photographer of bj., my insane insan. Blizzards reunited.

nov.2 (wed) : pam is now having a driving lessons. Good for you. pero masama pa rin kasi automatic kaya you`re really lugi. Ang mahal nyan pare. Sana kung manual ba yan eh. Nyak. I finally jot down this blog.


Shall I compare thee to a summer`s day?
Thou art more lovely and more temperate.
Rough winds do shake the darling buds of May,
And summer`s lease hath all too short a date.
Sometime too hot the eye of heaven shines,
And often is his gold complexion dimmed;
And every fair from fair sometime declines,
By chance, or nature's changing course untrimmed.
But thy eternal summer shall not fade
Nor lose possession of that fair thou ow`st;
Nor shall death brag thou wand'rest in his shade,
When in eternal lines to time thou grow`st,
So long as men can breathe or eyes can see,
So long lives this, and this gives life to thee.