waah.. our pc got busted so im here typing somewhere near our house.. whereelse?! i just ran errands today. i was supposed to go in katip with some bonding session with my mamam-mate (je). i told her that cantina serves some nice drinks. well, zombie. but hell ya coz last Dec.27, i thought i was going to die na kasi super nagpalpate ako.. but mind you, i was not tipsy. as in i can draw a straight line.
today is gone. tomorrow will be another day then the day after tomorrow, 2006 na. yikee. God has been good not only to me but to my family as well. wala lang. i just don`t feel writing mushy stuffs right now. basta, i will be forever thankful and we should be. hmmm. 2006, here we comes. hehe

by the way, i had my hair trimmed. well, trimmed?! punyemas.. its again, short. *kaye takes a bow* rawr! but i do like it. kudos to ricky, the one who trimmed it. ahaha!

anyway, i had written entries na in our computer. but just what ive said earlier, we should ditch it. haha. sooo sad.


the story of a girl.

gumising siya mula sa malalim na pagtulog sa kama. disi nuebe ayos siya. Hindi siya nasubaybayang lumaki ng nanay niya. Lumaki siya sa piling ng kanyang mapag-arugang lolo at lola. Paborito siya ni lolo. Bad shot siya kay lola. Idol niya si lolo. Mahal niya pareho.

Tulad ng isang puno, lumaki siya. madami siyang napagdaanan at marami ding nalusutan. maraming tanong sa buhay. Nagkaroon ng maraming kaibigan, nakisama, nag-aral mabuti, naging gago, nagpakagago, natuto, naaliw. nasaktan, nagpakatanga, nagisip, nanaginip, nagkamali, nadapa, bumangon, nangarap, umasa, natulala, nabigo, babangon, muling aasa, muling mabibigo pero tuloy pa rin.

Oo, malungkot.. pero ganyan ang tinatahak niyang buhay. Panibagong sapalaran na naman bukas o sa makalawa.

Para sa iba, simple lang siya, masarap kasama, malalapitan mo pag may problema. Matatawagan mo kahit alas tres ng madaling araw. Nakakatawa ang tawa. Bata, pero malawak siya mag-isip.. ni hindi mo na nanaiising malirip. Martir. Mapagmahal, mahal niya ang pamilya, ang barkada, mga kaibigan at ang taong napakahalaga sa kanya. Mahilig siya sa mga simpleng bagay na tanging ang mundo lamang ang may kakayahang ipaliwanag. Hindi siya minsan maintindihan ng iba. Hindi mo siya makikitang umiiyak.. sa kanya na lamang iyon dahil tinatago niya ang mga tunay niyang nararamdaman pero bakas naman sa kanyang mga mata ang pangungulila. Akala lang nila palagi siyang masaya.. akala nila parang walang problema.. pero iyon ang pinili niya, ang pagwawaksi sa mundo.

Madalas siyang pag-initan ng lola. Wala, pasok dito, labas doon. Minsan gusto na niya maiyak, pero wala naman iiiyak. Ubos na ang luha.. sadyang natuyo upang mapawi ang pagdurusa. Lagi na lang siyang hirap.. minsan, gusto na niyang magpakatiwakal.. pero nasa sariling utak pa naman siya para malaman na ito`y mga pagsubok lamang. At kayang lampasan kung magtitiwala ka lamang at mananalig sa Poong Maykapal.

Pinapanood niya minsan ang mga tao.. naglalakad, hindi naman alam kung saan pupunta o may paroroonan pa. mahilig siyang tumingala sa bughaw na kulay ng langit. Tinatanaw kung nasaan ang dulo ng pagsubok. Pero hayun, umulan at hindi pa rin nasagot ang kanyang tanong. Di bale, matatapos din yan tulad ng pagtila ng ulan. Ngunit hanggang kailan bubuhos ang ulan? Panibagong tanong niya sa sarili.

Lagi na lang bigo. Malas sa buhay pag-ibig. Naiiwan na siya ng panahon pero patuloy naman niya itong hinahabol. Nakikisakay sa agos ng buhay. Ayaw na niyang masaktan.. gusto na niyang maging masaya. Saklaw niya ang kahirapan sa mundo. Mahabang proseso, pero kaya niya yan at patuloy na kakayanin.

Sa takipsilim, siya`y humiling. Isang pagnanais na hindi pa dumarating. Ginugunita ang paglipas ng panahon. Sadyang napakaraming bagay na hindi niya maintindihan.

Ngunit bago ko wakasan ang kwentong ito, mayroon pa akong gustong idagdag:

Nasabi ko na ba na mayroon siyang mahal? Oo, tama.. may mahal siya. hindi niya masukat kung gaano. Basta ang alam niya, mahal niya higit pa sa akala niya.. at higit pa sa kaya ng akala niya.

Yan si kaye.. simple lang pero ginagawang kumplikado ng iba.


VURI BLOODY.

You know what?! Je owe me half of her life. why? Because for the VERY first time.. I was able to donate a blood. Oo, mehn. We had a blood letting last Thursday, December 8, 2005. one of the most memorable experiences ive ever had. I mean, wala lang. I treasure this. (and I know I should!) actually, I am not in doubt to give away (yuck!) the term! Or share my blood to anyone. Im not afraid of sharps. In fact, those were my favorites. (the tusukan thingies!) go, ask my tita about it. weird, eh!? Ewan. im fond of those nurses or med techs na gumeget ng blood ko for blood exams and everything. Basta. Im sooo naaaliw. Ahehe!

It was a dream come true. oo na, dream ko mag-donate ng blood.. (half a liter would do.) weird, eh?! tas yun. Dumonate ako! YEHEY!

It was super unexpected.. before, I always get rejected. ANEMIC eh! Low RBCs.. then, why donate? They would always advised me to take ferrous sulfate or pa-check-up kasi super low ng blood ko. then, I never had a normal Blood pressure.. 90/60. but when they checked it, 110/70. miracle. Then, underweight pa. pero ayos na. Since je needed my blood for a plus grade in patho.. ayun, I was screened then gumow na ko sa class ko coz I know na ma-re-reject ako. knowing that I didn`t took my ferrous sulfate supply for 2 days na tas I slept at around 2am. So, no reasons para ma-accept ako. e yun, I wanted to help je. Coz I`ve been there. Oo, last sem, I was super like a recruiter na just to get someone whose willing to donate his/her blood. And I tell you this: it was hard. Super! Kung pwede ko lang tusukan sarili ko, then I`ll go ahead and make the tusok tusok JUST for my grades. Haaaay. Hirap. Pero I pity those who donated their blood but still they failed in that subject.. pharma!

So there, though Je didn`t want me to.. (actually, all of them would shout na `NO`) they can`t do anything. I then insisted to go. sooobrang naka ikot sila sa bed ko.. super fun. Aliw. A lot of people were there, watching me. tas those guys who were beside me, mga friends lang.. I mean, not that close. Sila.. Je (moral support), Jayvee (moral support part 2), Nell (part 3 support) Aeleen (magdodonate din kasi siya that`s why gusto niya tignan kung gogow pa siya for some blood reactions), Paul, Ronn, Arnel, (mga cheerers!) kambaloo (pinagtatawanan ako! loko!) Pao (lasing ka, nagdonate ka pa rin!) etseterassss..

Then yun, masaya. Sobrang care nila sa akin.

One wish granted. More wishes to go.


soneto XVII.
i love pablo neruda. ♥


I do not love you as if you were a rose made of salt or topaz
or an arrow of carnations spreading fire:
I love you the way certain dark things are loved,
secretly, between the shadow and the soul.

I love you like the plant that never blooms,
but conceals within itself the light of those flowers;
and, thanks to your love, the darkness of my body
houses the suffocating aroma that arose from the earth.

I love you without knowing how, when, or where from;
I love you straightforwardly, with neither problems nor pride:
I love you thus, not knowing how to love you otherwise

than this way whereby neither `you` nor `I` exist..
so close that your hand on my chest is mine,
so close that your eyes grow heavy when I tire.


grabe.. im toooo lazy to update this journal. hmmm.. nothing really special. how many days to go before christmas?! ..15 more days! oh well, wala lang. time is running sooo fast. blink and you`ll miss the beat.