Attempting to translate into feelings

Gaaaaa. im back to my world again. blogging. hehe! can`t blame my hands and my eyes. see, its already 3.24am (well, i have a wrong time frame here!) So.. I`ve got so many coins in my pocket. all i have to do is to toss them in the air. okay, i might kiss away those tears before closing my very eyes. it will never be right. I know. Gaa. what the fuck!

hahummm. I am sad. im blogging. im better. im bitter.

The fact that someone has flown, wala lang. it makes me feel shiver, cry, afraid and be happy for that person all at the same time. too late for this entry. Im falling apart and i know i was wrong. ..coz you`re not coming back.

oh well. when can love start again? :'(


Life is wonderful again.

though sometimes, i forget how great life is. :))

HAPPY BIRTHDAY LOLO.


That`s the way .. uh-huh, uh-huh.

yey. i was hysterical yesterday. :)) for some odd reasons, i cleaned my cabinet, drawers and everythin else. basta, i was OC yesterday. its fun throwing away those little pieces that you didn`t even wanted/needed in your life.

btw, i missed everyone. barkada. old friends. sundae, chesca, nahlyn. baristas in tomas. drew`s. my pumpkins. tuna mushroom melt. reese`s peanut butter cup, cello`s doughnuts. churros.

A - Available?: uh-huh.
A - Age: twenty.
A - Annoyance: fat ass

B - Best Friend?: Andre
B - Bar: baRRRRR. haha!
B - Birthday: June 24, 1986

C - Crush: Miko and Derek Ramsey
C - Car: a Car is a car.
C - Cat: i hate cats

D - Dead Pets Name: never had a pet
D - Dad's Name: Pabs
D - Dog: wala eh.

E - Easiest person to talk to: Sundae, Pam and Je.
E - Eggs: sunny side up
E - Email: crazykei_247

F - Favourite color: Brown, Black, White, Magenta(?)
F - Food: Adobong manok
F - Foreign Slang: mehn. haha!

G - Gummy Bears or Worms: gummy bears
G - God: God is great
G - Good Time: being with my family, barkada and lotsa people.

H - Hair Color: vlaaack!
H - Happy Now?: happy berday.

I - Ice Cream: sa sobrang dami, di ko na alam :))
I - Instrument: Shaker?
I - Idol: Ely Buendia

J - Jewelry: pearl
J - Job: guard sa asylum, part-time barista and photographer, pediatrician, IV therapist, rebel, writer,
J - Joke: joke jo-jo-joke-joke. joke joke! corny jokes.

K - Kids: i soo love kids.
K - Karate: hi-Yaaaaah!
K - Kung Fu: Hustle?

L - Longest Car journey: Manila to Pangasinan
L - Longest Relationship: nyaha. zikrit.
L - Love: All we need is love

M - Milk Flavour: chocolate
M - Mother's Name: Marissa
M - Movie Last Watched: Miami Vice

N - Number of Siblings: Uno.
N - Northern or Southern: NOrth luzon expressway. yehey!
N - Name: Katrina

O - One Wish?: world pish?
O - One Phobia?: Laliaphobic
O - Otter Pop: ...

P - Parents, are they married or divorced: married
P - Part of your appearance you like best: ooooops.
P - Part of your personality you like best: cowboy ako.

Q - Quote: There is always some madness in love. But there is also some reason in madness.
Q - Question for the next person?: Can we ever have us back again?
Q - Quick or Slow?: slow

R - Reason to smile: everyone has a reason to smile.
R - Reality TV Show: The amazing race. America's Next Top Model
R - Right or Left: Right side

S - Song Last Heard: Win -Brian Mcknight
S - Season: summer
S - Sex: F is for Feminism.

T - Time you woke up: 12.59
T - Time Now: 3.36pm
T - Time for bed: 2 am.

U - Unknown Fact about me: self-confessed alcoholic
U - Unicorns: ermm..
U - U are? : crazy?

V - Vegetable you hate: so far, wala naman. fruits madami akong hate: papaya, avocado, melon, buko,
V - Vegetable you love: radish, cucumber,
V - View on Politics: corruption.

W - Worst Habits: day-dreaming paradoxically
W - Where are you going to travel next?: text me, ill be there.

X - X-Rays: july 2005.
X - X-Rated Porn: tss. not into those stuff.
X - X-tra special someone: zikrit.

Y - Year you were born: 1986
Y - Year it is now: 2006
Y - Yellow: sunshine

Z - Zoo Animal: i soo hate animals.
Z - Zodiac: Cancer
Z - Zoolander: swoooooosh..


You Are Great in Love


You are great in love.
You are bold.
My every step is timid.
I'll do nothing bad to you,
but can hardly do you any good.
It seems you are leading me
off the beaten path through a forest.
Now we're up to our waist in wildflowers.
I don't even know what flowers they are.
Past experience is of no help here.
I don't know what to do or how.
You're tired.
You ask to be carried in my arms.
Already you're in my arms.
`Do you see how blue the sky is?
Do you hear what birds are in the forest?
Well, what are you waiting for?
Well? Carry me then!`
And where shall I carry you?..

1953. Yevgeny Yevtushenko.


Never say die.

I wish i could believe life really is something more than a stream that carries us along.

And if I fall, I`ll never fail.. I`ll just get up and try again


ALKOHOL ANG SAGOT.

i guess its a life-threatening condition. :)) geez. i missed burnin my bed. fyi: 5days na ko walang tulog. mind you, i even have to take sleeping pills to have a 5hr sleep. tsk. i hate these two dark circles under my eyes. My grandfather gave me a stilnox (kailangan pa ng prescription for this drug). by the way, i hate abusing drugs because yes, im the beloved daughter of Mr. Science. im just afraid of their toxic effects blahblahblah. what the heck. i can`t take it anymore. gusto ko na matulog! i need a help.

Oha! came up with a bright idea: i hafta get a booze. iinom ako. and for the first time, my Lolo didn`t get mad at me maybe because he knew that i badly need this shit to renew my system.

yesterday, i was drunk. at least i was able to sleep for 8hours. raaaawr!


GET RID OF THE EXCESS OIL.

nyahaha! I BADLY NEED A DIURETIC. NOOOO. Not now that im living an onion life. Onion life. well, uhmmm.. Onion life is something like peeling away a layer at a time and crying all the while. go, figure out.


PAGSILIP SA NAKARAAN.

kailangan ko ba ito ikwento? ano sa tingin mo?

mayroon akong kaibigan. marami siyang alam. ibang bagay na marahil hindi natin nakikita pero sigurado akong nararamdaman. wirdo ito, alam ko. pero wala akong pakialam kung maniniwala ka o hindi. dahil ako mismo ay nahihirapang umunawa. pero kung nakita mo ang reaksyon sa aking mukha, baka ika`y maniwala.

ganito kasi iyan..

isang araw, kasama ko ang isang malapit na kaibigan. kumain kami. masarap naman. nakakabusog pero may ibang lasa pa ding pilit na hinahanap ng mga bibig namin. ah, ewan. nakikinig lang ako sa mga kwento niya.. masaya dahil ang dami naming napag-usapan. Yung tipong kahit hindi naman ka-kwento kwento ay pinagkkwentuhan pa namin. Pati yung mga nakaka-asar, mga namimis namin, pamilya, kaibigan at mawawala ba ang buhay pag-ibig? syempre naman hindi. importanteng sangkap yan ng kwento. Haaay.. mga babae nga naman talaga, ang bababaw at madadaldal pag kasama ang kapwa babae.

nagtatawanan kami.. ng biglang.. tinanong niya kung naging masaya daw ba yung kabataan ko. Mmmm. seryoso siya. pero mas seryoso akong sumagot na `Ha?!`. e pano ba naman, sa gitna ng tawanan bigla siyang nagseryoso ng hindi ko alam. pero dahil tinanong niya ko ng maayos, sinagot ko naman siya ng maayos.. umiling ako. sa totoo lang, hindi ako sigurado sa binitiwan kong salita. Pero matapos ako umiling, nasabi ko na lang na ..`hmmmm.. okay lang, Medyo.` Tss. Alam ko may halong ka-plastikan ang sagot ko. pero wala akong maisip na tama ng mga panahong iyon.

Sinabi ko sa kanya na Oo, masaya ang kabataan ko.. kahit taliwas naman. aaminin ko dito ang tunay kong nararamdaman dahil gusto ko lang malaman ninyo ang aking tunay na saloobin. Madami akong karanasan noong kabataan ko., nangunguna na ang mga kapitbahay ko na kalaro ko sa pang-araw-araw kahit na nagagalit ang lola ko dahil sobrang itim ko na madalas ako madapa at magkasugat. Oo, masaya sana. pero ewan ko nga ba, mahina lang talaga ko. mabagal tumakbo, laging natataya, sakitin, hindi listo, at kung anu-ano pa.. sa madaling salita, lampayatot ako. kaya naman, madalas hindi ako makasali sa mga laro nilang nakakaaliw. tss. nakakatawang isipin na sinusulat ko ito ngayon na para bang wala akong pakialam sa kahapon.

mabalik tayo sa kwento ko kanina., Hindi ko alam na pumapasok na pala sa kaluluwa ko ang kaibigang kausap ko lamang kanina. natural lang na kilabutan ka habang binabasa ito, dahil ako mismo`y hindi nakatulog ng tatlong araw kakaisip nito. hindi ka maniniwala pero yung tinanong niya sa akin kanina na `Naging masaya ba ako sa kabataan` ko ay may koneksyon sa aking istorya. hindi ko ito ginawa para lamang may maisulat. gusto ko lang mabasa ninyo dahil talaga namang nakaka-mangha ang kanyang kakayahan at ngayon ay unti-unti ko nang naidudugtong ang mga pangyayari.

ayoko ng pahabain pa ito, Yung kaibigan na tinutukoy ko ay isang mind/soul reader na may third eye(pasensya, nasira ang pagtatagalog ko). aliw ba? ayun nga, sinabi niya sa akin kung ano ako noong unang panahon (past life). naging interisado naman ako agad kahit na alam kong nakakatakot paniwalaan. ang sabi niya eto/ganito daw ako dati:

>Hindi daw ako naging masaya nung kabataan ko dahil may malubhang sakit ako. hindi ko na alam kung anong epidemya ang dumapo sa akin pero ang alam ko, nakaratay lang ako sa isang malaking higaan at nakaputing damit. Renaissance period daw noong panahon na iyon (napatunayan niya dahil ang suot ko raw na damit ay mala-Juliet sa Romeo and Juliet) at malungkot na napaka dilim sa kwarto. malaki ang bahay at mayaman daw ako. hindi daw ako pinay.. latina daw ako. Malungkot ako hindi dahil sa malubha ako kundi dahil walang dumadalaw sa akin ni isang kapamilya ko. kung hindi dahil sa isang asong nagmamasid sa akin at laging nasa tabi ko, masasabi niyang ako`y nag-iisa sa aking pakikipaglaban. mabait ang asong ito at hindi niya ko iniiwan. at may lagi daw na dumadalaw sa akin na batang lalaki.. siya daw ang may-ari sa aso at siya lang din ang katangi tanging tao na nag-aalaga sa akin. mahal na mahal daw ako ng batang ito.

nakikinig lang ako sa kanya.. pero nung sambitin niya na may nagbabantay sa akin na batang lalaki, tumulo ang luha ko ng hindi ko alam.

hindi niya kasi alam na may kapatid ako na batang lalaki na mahilig sa aso.

Isa lang ang sigurado ako: may koneksyon ang dati kong buhay sa buhay ko ngayon. at madami pa akong gustong malaman.


FOR THE FIRST TIME.

the longest route i`ve ever made:
(from yen`s place)

1. from project 8., UP jeep. =1O.00
2. then UP to katipunan (we ate then drop by at cello`s) =7.50
3. tricycle to katipunan station =15.00
4. from katipunan station to araneta-cubao =12?! (im not sure, libre eh. thanks je!)
5. from araneta to mrt station. cubao-guadalupe. =12.00
6. fx =15
7. tricycle again =20.00

total amount: 91.50

i slept for 7hours straight. nakakapagod.. my gawd!


HELLO.. WORLD!

yehey. the world panorama is mine. as in like this and like that. and oh, i can see you there! my dad invented this thing ..and who am i kidding? ooops.. my bad. i couldn`t let you have it. sorry. i was.. well, able to see canada?! north dakota, texas, manhattan, vegas and a lot more places. gotta love what im seeing right now. woohoo! and ehem, im just letting the rain fall. tss. but damn, i can`t find my own land. take me home.


Kung ang Tula ay Pop Corn
ni Joel Malabanan

Maalat, malutong ang mga kataga
Masarap sa dila ang sukat at tugma
Subalit kapagka nasunog ang diwa
Mapait ang lasa at nakasusuka

Pag-inasukalan matamis din naman
Gaya ng pag-ibig na nararamdaman
Kung tama ang timpla ay masarap tikman
Katulad mo sinta, pag nasa sinehan

Subalit ang tula`y higit pa sa mais
Kapag ang lumikha`y may dakilang nais
Pulso ng kataga`y may buhay na diwa
Kung tugma`y hinabi upang magpalaya

*ayan, namiss ko agad ang popcorn!*