you don`t need to live
it seems a bit naive
no need to disagree
or seek my history
you`re staring at my soul
my sanity you stole
but then i knew all along
that anything would go wrong
though i can see you i can feel you
i`m so glad you opened the door
and when i get near all my fears disappear
and i won`t be along anymore


hep hep hoooray!

this will be the last time, then. no more. NO MORE. be safe. adieu.


tangina. tangina talaga.

punyemas. sorry for the term (for those who read my entries!) i just thought of writing it in public for i cannot take this anymore. argh. i know i shouldn`t be saying all these out loud. i should never do this. perhaps, this is an online journal.. (what more can i hide?)

i`m in pain. calling doctor quack quack to mend this broken heart of mine. i know.. i hate it. burn this feeling. argh! i`ve tried to conceal it with all the laughters but there`s this burden deep within me which i and webster cannot explain. all the stupidity and fantasies are present with unknown darkness. i wanna believe in fairytales but i am not a kid anymore.. laboo! it hurts. ouch! aren`t you aware that you left a sore that doesn`t heal in my chest, bruises in my brain and scars in my heart? blood keeps on gushing and i can`t stop it. im sooo bloody. yeah. fucking miserably bloody.

well then, i thought it was.. (wahe!)

nevermind.

valium please..


sorry, i have a meeting. i will call you anytime SOON. just wait coz you`re now my second priority but i still iloveyou sooo very bloody. hope you`ll understand and get what i mean.


I crave your mouth, your voice, your hair.

I crave your mouth, your voice, your hair.
Silent and starving, I prowl through the streets.
Bread does not nourish me, dawn disrupts me, all day
I hunt for the liquid measure of your steps.

I hunger for your sleek laugh,
your hands the color of a savage harvest,
hunger for the pale stones of your fingernails,
I want to eat your skin like a whole almond.

I want to eat the sunbeam flaring in your lovely body,
the sovereign nose of your arrogant face,
I want to eat the fleeting shade of your lashes,

and I pace around hungry, sniffing the twilight,
hunting for you, for your hot heart,
like a puma in the barrens of Quitratue.

♥


tsss. this one is true.. isn`t it? do your thing.

kei -- [noun]: A master blogger 'How will you be defined in the dictionary?' at QuizGalaxy.com

what happened to the pediatrician?

she`s someone i know. born with a blurred vision, she`s still draining her eyes infront of this monitor. she just finished her report due on thursday (whoa! its a miracle for she used to cram and mess up with things on her hands) and read an article about her orals.. she even changed her photo layout in her multiply account and uploaded some pixie wixies with her ever-lovable barkada. she even changed her profile in this so-called `ssssster`. she`s suffering from headache for she`s online for almost 10hours and the pediatrician believes that excedrin is the only remedy for this pain. hence, sleeping followed.

though she told herself that she`s on a diet, (done with gardenia wheat bread, skyflakes, blueskies, raisins, water) but NOOOO! she can`t help but eat.. eat.. yum! yum! *burp* yesterday, she ate a lot. today, she will still eat a looot for there are many food in the house of the doctors. wait til march comes and you`ll see her bloated cheeks with some fatty streaks in her butt and tummy.

she will study for her pathophysiology quiz and report about metabolism and endotracheal suctioning. she`ll try to plan something for this week (or watch a movie with friends). ..and sleep (for at least 12hours!). im surprised she`s sunny today.

look, she needs to be needed.

isn`t funny? you`re talking to yourself again.


BORED to death.

nyak! just a plain random animosity. EDSA. people power. no classes. coup d` etat. chacha. cory aquino. laban sign. yellow ribbons. gloria macapagal-arroyo. poverty. fidel v. ramos. juan ponce enrile. gringo honasan. RALLY. malacanang palace. noise barrage. heavy traffic in epifanio de los santos avenue. dirty streets. gloria resign. ayala ave. martial law. state of national emergency. red alert. bombing.

ikaw, anong alam mo sa EDSA?


June24 ♥

look, i found my tree:

Birch Tree (Inspiration) - vivacious, attractive, elegant, friendly, unpretentious, modest, does not like anything in excess, abhors the vulgar, loves life in nature and in calm, not very passionate, full of imagination, little ambition, creates a calm and content atmosphere.


What`s next?

First stop: stampede in ultra.
Second: landslide in leyte.
Third: erruption of this `i-forgot the name` mountain. (i guess malapit na daw?)
Fourth: bumagsak na building in manila.
Fifth: drug pushers in taguig.
Sixth: crime..crime..crime..and endless crimes in our country.

hindi man ako palaging nanonood ng telebisyon at bihira man magbasa ng dyaryo, sinisiguro ko sayong hindi ako manhid para hindi malaman ang tumatakbo at nangyayari sa bayan natin.

takte! whats happening?! mukhang iniisa isa na tayo ni God. is this our karma? do you think we deserve this? hala!! ano na ang susunod?

nakakalungkot naman. nakakaawa ang mga tao.

lalu na ang mga inosenteng bata na natabunan ng putik sa ilalim ng lupa. tila pati ang mga pangarap nila`y naglaho na ng parang bula. sa tingin ko`y imposible na para sa mga pamilya nila ang magkaroon ng pag-asa na humihinga pa ang mga taong nailibing ng buhay.

paano kaya kung isa ako sa mga taong napabilang sa mga natabunan ng lupa? mabubuhay pa kaya ako? sa palagay mo? ..hindi ako mapalagay. walang pagkain, tubig, kuryente.. tila napunta ako sa bagong dimensyon nun. kung ako siguro yun, susubukan ko pang lumaban hangga`t kaya ko pero kung wala na talaga.. titigil na ko. linchak! paano ka ba naman mabubuhay ng walang pagkain at tubig? ..mga tanging bagay na pinagkukunan ng lakas para mabuhay.

ano ba yan? patuloy na nga ang mga trahedya sa bansa tapos hindi pa nagkakasundo ang mga tao.. rally doon, rally dito. itigil na muna natin yan. e kung nagdadasal na lang tayo imbis na gumawa tayo ingay at trapik diyan sa edsa. haay.. gumising nga kayo sa kamunduhang ginagalawan natin!

pinaparusahan ata tayo ng Panginoon.. pero alam ko naman na kaya pa rin natin ito. marahil tinatawag niya lang tayong lahat na magkaisa at dumiling sa kanya para sabihing nandiyan pa rin siya para sa ating lahat.

just keep this in mind: GOD did not create a stone that we cannot carry.


Nursing is an art-e

so, what`s up? ive been busy blogging lately. nothing much. i`m just keeping myself busy despite of my busy schedule. i promised my dear bloggy that ill make it up. nyaha. as i was saying..

NURSING is an ART-e. art with an E. arte. maarte. whatever.

sometimes i wonder, why did i chose this course? was it my mom`s decision or mine?! did i say something?

honestly, it is/was my wise decision to be a nurse. just like my parents. im not after their steps, but it was like a `calling?!` ..sounds stupid but yea! i just wanted to help other people. you know.. doing charities, health missions and all that. besides, i wanted to be a pediatrician someday (neuro-pediatric nurse to be more specific). i know its a bit complicated aside from considering the fact that this degree involves children.. i sooo love children as much as i love chocolates. and it tears me up inside to see those children who were suffering from incurable diseases. i can`t help but cry especially when i hear their silly woes. i wanna help them. but all i can do is carry them with my arms and say `shhhh.. baby` enough na. you can see my face switching into a pathetic mode from a joker nurse. im afraid i can`t do anything for them. i am afraid i cannot.

you gotta do something if you wanna be someone.. right?!

my course is a huge step for reaching my dreams. maybe.. well, just MAYBE.. it`ll be (nursing) my pre-med course. then ill take medicine afterwards. mind you, nursing is the best pre-med course. then ill be a neuro-pediatric doctor SOMEDAY. impossible is nothing.

nursing is an art-e. because: clinical instructors are very strict even when it comes to the smallest details. our paraphernalias must be always present with us. charting is a pledge. cannot live without thermometer, sphygmomanometer, stethoscope, bandage scissors and micropore. our instructors can be mean sometimes.. aside from 40hour duty per rotation or per ward, we are oblige to submit specific requirements such as case study, nursing care plan and case presentation. did i mention the quiz and evaluations plus drug computations? the fuck with those things. nevermind those two dark circles under our eyes.. kudos to our duty schedule.

oh, i forgot that even the simple handwashing technique that we`re doing everyday in our lives is also graded in our mind-draining course.

get a life! as you might say.

the hell with you? im loving what im doing. i might look intoxicated but definitely happy with this mind fucking ground.

i`ve learned a lot from this ka-artehan. from viruses and bacteria to something more visible than our naked eye. you must be dedicated with what you`re doing. you must add passion to taste. unconditional love is what we should give and what they should get. nursing is an art.. indeed! agree with that?

am i proud? hands down, pare.


badTRIP.

we went to guagua pampanga just yesterday. ok, it was supposed to be a family day in bulacan for a reunion/fiesta. eh my school wanted to show their branch there in pampanga.. so no choice. 1:5 sa duty if you won`t come. grabe, ang utak talaga. 2,500 plus 40hours of duty. lugi ka! hehe!

haaay.. summer na ata talaga. ang init eh. even yung mga tao.. nag-iinit.

then before going home, we went to gateway.. gumow kami sa gonuts. linchak. sa sobrang busOg, sumuka ako. and the best part? nasama yung retainers ko. waaaah. badtrip. badtrip. lahat na lang ng mga bagay na napapamahal sa akin, nawawala. o diba, dito ko inuugnay. isa lang yan sa mga BEST examples. kung kelan pa siya napamahal sa akin. kung kelan pa nasanay na ako na naka-kabit siya sa akin. hindi na ako sanay ng walang retainers. pero hindi naman sa hindi ko kayang mabuhay ng wala ang bagay na yan.

dati naiisip ko, bakit ko pa kailangan ng ganito para sa ngipin ko? kailangan ko pa siyang linisin everytime na kakain ako. pahirap sa buhay.

it is really hard to say goodbye.

nga naman, you`ll never appreciate something unless they`re gone.


Sick sad little world.

Much adieu about my loneliness. By the way, for those who didin`t know that I am now a school-house-duty-house girl.. haha! Now, Im telling you.. its wretchedly true. Which means.. i`ve outgrown the not-so-old me:
no more time to CHILL (dang it! We`re (barkada) all busy and we have different schedules.. one of the major grounds why Im lonely and I soo miss them).
im loving my privacy.
im starting to appreciate my innerself.
I loss calories by walking and walking and drinking much water (note: my digits are not enough to count how many glasses per day I`ve taken in).
My nightout would include starbucks,tomas. No more 9ball and gimiks for this girl.
We have a new hobby though, ang manata. Panata. Visiting different churches and sending petitions. Nadz-st. claire. Nell-Baclaran. Kaye and Je-we`ll see and I will let you know. Coming soon.

Yesterday, I rode a jeep from quezon ave. I didn`t notice the sign which reads: ILALIM. Fairview market.. i`ve only read the PHILCOA sign. Damn it! The driver even asked me where am I going.. i told him: hi-way po. Linchak. Argh. It was a distant away. I just walked alone under the starless night. The place is super unfamiliar with me. It was actually my first time to walk in a place like that considering the time. So, I just nodded the whole moment. I guess it took me 20mins walking. But it was fun and I as what i`ve told you, im finding time alone and im loving it. Sounds weird? Yeah. I know. So what? when I reached the station, I was super tired that I slept inside the train.

My world is kinda sad but it definitely makes me happy.


i wish i knew how to quit you


1. If you party, he will come.
2. Don`t put your life on hold.
3. Ditch the myth of `the one`..
4. Work out WHAT makes you happy, rather than WHO.
5. Find out whats special about your life right now.

adieu.


We`re all unlucky in love sometimes. When I am, I go jogging. The body loses water when you jog, so you have none left for tears.


sa panaginip na lang pala kita maisasayaw.

just a plain sentimental truth.. today is fine. i couldn`t care less about valentines day. while walking along ortigas ave before going home (i think that was about 11:00pm), a sudden gush came in. as i`ve counted my 840th step, augh! here i go again.. i will stop muttering love threats under my breath. but there is such a thing as wound that doesn`t heal.. i do not know when will i stop this fantasy.

in my dream, i saw you.. wearing a pink polo shirt with 3 bouquet of flowers which really enlightened my face. and thank you for touching my heart with roses, lilies and tulips. the full moon and glittering stars are perfect for a moment like this. there were people.. busy walking with their own boyfriends and bouquets. the fireworks in the sky completed the entourage. the balloons that flew in the heavens with a card that says i love you so much.. the cold night that satisfied our body. the flaming eyes. the sparkling love that you gave. then you suddenly asked me: shall we dance? ..im a half-way teary-eyed for what this magic could be and with amazement in my vision, i didn`t bother to respond. for all i know, this is a far perfect for a dream..

dreams..dreams.. when will they come true?
♥ ♥ ♥


hey you! wake me up.
im still dreaming.


THIS IS SO ME..
-inlove with love.
-sucker for love.
(augh! how many times do i have to say that word?)
-hopeless romantic.
-pathetic.
-loser.
-miserably unhappy
-complicated.
-open-minded.
-moving on.
-finding time alone.
-a princess.
-an angel.
-waiting for something to happen.
-trying so hard to find her happiness.
-a great pretender.
-misunderstood.
-learning from the past.
-keeping all those memories.
-putting things into place.
-insomniac.
-anemic.
-the sweetest and corniest person i know.
-i can never be enough.
-lover of music.
-a dreamer.
-neuro-pediatric nurse.
-hygiene freak.
-reese`s peanut butter cup addict.
-crazily preoccupied with all the things.
-don`t settle for mediocrity.
-loving my life.
-finding my purpose.
-living my harmony.
-love to give hugs.
-loves to be loved.
-die hard fan of eraserheads.
-never liked drinking milk.
-stay up late for unimportant things.
-hardly says NO to anyone.
-love my family, barkada, and someone that completes me.
-my faith is always with me.
-close my eyes and dream.
-loves to workout.
-hide my emotions.
-want to go far --far and away!
-hear other people`s opinion.
-hates procrastinating but a crammer,though.
-loves to read.. books/magazines/blogs.
-pediarician someday.
-loves to smile.
-believes that life is worth living and a drama.
-love earth colors.
-chocoholic and alcoholic.
-i`ve never tasted a coffee.
-laugh makes sense.
-corny jokes put up my mood.
-clumsy.
-caring.
-anti-PMS agent.
-debater.
-chill.
-rhumba frappuccino.
-belgian waffle topped with caramel syrup.
-little things can turn my world.
-immature at times.
-i live in fantasy.
-lolo`s girl.
-orphan.
-stubborn.
-never a brat.
-im always late.
-pretends that everything is okay.
-red horse.
-retainers.
-helplessly cares for someone.
-keen observer.
-i like to observe other people.
-live content with small means.
-listen to what im not saying.
-nearsighted plus astigmatism.
-i`ve seen the world from down there.
-has a abstract mind.
-weak.
-wants to be independent.
-freedom.
-i treasure each and every moment.
-singer.
-loves night outs.
-taken for granted.

i`ve got so many things in my mind right now but i prefer not to share it. no, not now.

haaaay. someday my prince will come.. and we`ll live happily ever after.


Feb 11: Lovapalooza

Love is a smoke made with the fume of sighs.
Being purged by fire spark in lover`s eyes.
Being vexed, a sea nourished with lovers tears.
What is it else?
A madness most discreet, a choking gall and a preserving sweet.

Do you know what a kiss is?

For all I know, it is spelled with a K, an I and double the s. that`s it. Some says it`one of the most magical and sparkling feeling which you cannot understand. It is a game played by the lips and sealed by the heart. It is indeed a lovely trick designed by nature to stop speech when words become superfluous.

Enough said.

Celebrate this hearts day with a kiss. ♥ ♥ ♥


that someone must be VEEEERY special..

I`ve never been the type to say ILOVEYOU like its no big deal,
coz to me, its the biggest deal in the world.

That`s why, when i realized i had fallen in love with you,
it was like a miracle of sorts.

All my caution and reservations flew out on that first time
i gazed into your eyes because i caught a glimpse of something
that looked a whole lot like forever.

Sometimes i still can`t believe how lucky i was to find you.
You`re everything I wanted and needed..
but never believed i`d found.


waah. isang tugon lamang po galing sa isang simpleng mamamayan na nagmamalasakit sa bayan. kung pwede lang, sana araw-araw laban ni pacquiao para nababawasan ang krimwn sa pilipinas..

FYI: nung lumaban si pacman, walang naging insidente ng krimen. okai, isa lang pero tungkol sa droga naman yun. kasi, nakatutok lahat ng tao sa mga tv screens nila para mapanuod ang laban nila ni morales.

tapos kanina ginising ako ng ingay ng telebisyon, madaming namatay sa 1st year anniversary sana ng wowowee. kawawa naman. puro pa mga matatandang babae yung mga napinsala at marami ding sugatan. nakakaawa talaga ang pilipinas dahil kay gloria. tignan mo, puro paghihirap na lang. balita ko, lunes pa lang madami ng tao doon.. naghihintay ng swerte., nga naman, baka manalo sila. pero anong nangyare? dumali tuloy ang buhay nila at nwala ng bigla ng parang bula ang mga panaginip na sana`y mabigyan sila ng pagkakataong yumaman at umangat sa buhay.

nakakalungkot pero ayan ang katotohanan, madaming naghihirap.. naisip ko tuloy.. ganun na nga ba talaga kahirap ang mga Pilipino ngayon?!

OO. ganun na nga

ang swerte ko pala at hindi ko na kinakailangang pumunta doon para makipagsiksikan at makipagtulakan. maswerte ako dahil kahit papaano ay kumakain pa kami ng tama at hindi man ako maluho, pwede ko rin namang bilhin kung ano man ang naisin ko. nakakapag-aral at nakakalabas naman kung minsan.

gusto kong kumilos para sa mga mamayan. wala akong magawa.. pero alam ko naman na may magagawa ako kung gugustuhin ko. sana`y tama na ang mga sinusulat ko dito pero alam ko na hindi ito sapat para madinig ang mga hinanaing ng mga tao.

kung madaming taong mayaman, doble nito ang mga mahihirap. nakakainis lang isipin na nakakaya pa ng mga opisyal mangibang bansa para lamang manuod sa laban ni pacquiao at pumusta ng milyones nila. putcha, kung binibigay niyo na lang yan sa mga mahihirap kaysa nagpapabango kayo ng mga salapi niyo edi hindi lang sana kayo ang masaya at nakakakain ng masasarap na putahe at sana`y may aasahan pa kayo na boboto sa inyo sa susunod na termino niyo. e puta, puro kayo kurakot. ano?! sapul?

akala ko`y matatalino kayo?! galing pa man din kayo sa mga magagandang pamantasan at unibersidad ngunit hindi niyo naman ginagamit ang mga utak niyo. nakakainis. nakakagigil.

naiwasan sana itong insidenteng ito.. kailangan pang may mamatay bago niyo imulat ang mag mata ninyo.

kung may kaya lang akong gawin.. GINAWA KO NA!