Sometimes I feel the fear of uncertainty stinging clear
And I cant help but ask myself how much
I'll let the fear take the wheel and steer.
It's driven me before, it seems to have a vague,
Haunting mass appeal.
But lately I'm beginning to find that I should be the one behind the wheel.

Ang Musika ng Gabi

shit. walang ilaw ng dalawang araw? impossible. parang imposibleng mabuhay ng ganito. pero sa awa ng diyos, buhay pa.

hindi ako nag-yehey dahil walang pasok. hindi ako masaya ng walang pasok. sa katunayan, mas gusto ko ang umaalis sa bahay. wala kasing magawa kundi magbasa ng libro o humarap sa kompyuter. pero shet, anong magagawa ng isang tao kung walang elektrisidad? puta, ang boring pare. ikkwento ko sayo kung gaano ka-boring ang mahinto sa bahay ng malakas ang hangin at ulan (tila nagsanib pwersa pa sila para mamninsala!) badtrip yun.

kabila`t kanan na naman ang balita. pero wala akong balita sa pinas ngayon kasi nga, wala ngang telebisyon. diba? shiiit. parang nasa ibang dimensyon ako pag ganito. hindi ko naman madaan sa tulog dahil ang ingay ng mga nagliliparang mga bubong. low class talaga. pakiramdam ko nga`y liliparin ang bahay namin. patawad pagkat mahirap lang kami.

wala na ata akong ginawa kundi magbasa ng libro. inumpisahan ko ng alas diyes ng umaga at natapos ng alas tres. sa katunayan, nakatapos ako ng dalawang libro sa isang araw lamang. pero inantok din ako bago ko man matapos ang ikalawang libro. haaaay. wala talagang magawa.

kawawa naman ang mga tao o bahay o lugar na nasalanta ng pesteng bagyo na to. umalis ka na please.. okai lang kahit may pasok kami o kahit may duty.. basta walang umiiyak dahil sa dulot mo.

mga alas kwatro ng hapon, ewan ko ba kung bakit badtrip talaga ako.. sa katunayan, kahapon pa lang ay batrip na ako. ewan. tapos, nataasan ko ata ng boses ang lola ko kasi may tinatanong siya. e matanda na yun kaya makulit. kaya heto, WAR kami ngayon. hmmm.. lagi naman siyang galit sa akin eh. inaway niya ko. haha. pero siyempre, respeto pa rin kaya hindi naman ako sumasagot. alam mo na, pag walang magawa ay inaaway niya ko. haha. para akong nagsusumbong na bata.

eto na, gabi na. ang pinaka BADTRIP sa lahat. kasi walang ilaw. bawal kandila. walang flashlight. walang pamaypay. wala na lahat. parang binura sa mapa ang maynila sa kadiliman.

Ang tahimik.. para bang nagluluksa ang buong Luzon sa kalaliman ng gabi.

sa wakas, salamat sa Meralco may ilaw tayong maituturing.


deebeedee

another wala lang post for today. fyi: i haven`t been blogging lately because.. blahblahblah. hmmm.

ive got so many things to do.. i wanna finish the complete season of Grey`s anatomy (yehey!) its actually my first time na makakatapos ng series. boohoo. call me a loser. give it up. i`ll deal with that some other time baybeh. its just that i don`t have any single time for those stuff. hehe. well then, i realized that im such a loser because i never watched any series.. kahit na gustuhin ko man.. sana may time for those things. but if that would be possible, ill give it a shot. waaah.. sad.

yesterday, we went to pumpkin`s house. movie marathon and foodtrip. 2 movies and 2 cds of Grey`s. haha. then, i went home. i watched a Spanish movie. man, it was a great movie. thumbs up! teehee. the catch was, The girls were called a mule. if you know what i mean.. then, you`ll know it. they`re swallowing drugs and export it to the United States then, they`re given laxatives to poooop the drugs. Voila. haha.

oh well. how can i have time if busy nga? right?! i have 3 more movies to watch. ewan. bored eh. and 4 bleeding literature books to read. (1 english book then 3 tagalog books) Nosebleed. waaaah. plus, i have this blog.


A final movement

Chemistry, they say, is what attracts people to one another. That may be. But if, after the chemistry does its work, you don`t rise to a higher level of consciousness, the chemistry will eventually turn into hatred. The passion will still be there, but the attraction will become malicious and revengeful. That`s what soap operas are based on, and a lot of so-called great literature. That`s what a lot of people still call love.

- William Ashoka Ross


A whole lot of trouble!

eeeeeeh! badtrip. kanina pa ko nagttype ng entry. e nag brown-out.. so, yun naman. greaaaaaat.

nakakatamad na tuloy magtype and all. e pano, i was writing about what happened the past week. e malapit na ko matapos. punyemas. i guess ill just summarize it. nyek. parang story of my so-called life haha. to start with, i decided to cut my hair last thursday after going to drew`s katip for pam`s reservation. hihi. :)) kami nila net and pam ay sumakay ng lrt from katipunan to araneta. were like innocent litol girls there. nakakatawa kasi hindi kami marunong gumamit ng vendo and it took us forever na mabigyan ng ticket ng magic machine. whoa. humaba ang pila because of us. sorry people.

after that, pumunta na akong salon kasi papagupit ako. waaaah. lahat ba ng parlorista ay bading? tssss. kasi naman, nakakagago siya mag-massage. if i am a lawyer, magdasal ka na kasi ipapakulong kita. did i gave him enough justice? haha. oh well, since okai naman ang hair ko.. sige, 10yrs in prison na lang. basta, bwisit ka!!

lolo is sick.. very sick. kaya last friday, na-admit siya sa hospital. wala lang, 4 hours kami sa emergency room. ang tagal. shet. 2 lang kami ni ate wena.. and were super gutom na kasi hindi kami nakakain ng lunch. e 8pm na kaya yun. imagine, muntik na ako mag-faint. e sakto nasa ER naman kami. hehe so there, i stayed there. dun ako natulog sa couch. so, til now wala pa rin akong matinong tulog. hehe. 2 days ng 5am ang tulog ko. then may class pa ko ng saturday. so sinundo ako ng 10am then 2pm yung class ko. jayvee texted me and told me na wala daw class.. pero im halfway there kaya tinuloy ko na. tumambay na lang ako sa mcdo with lui and daychi. dais painted my nails. waaah. ang panget ng color. wala lang. then, i waited for nell kasi sabay kami pupuntang drew`s. o diba, early birds kaming tatlo nila nell and je. umeexcite kasi. hehe.

5pm pa lang, nandun na kami. o diba? haha. e 8pm pa dumating yung mga tao. pero okai lang. :)) we just waited for them. then nell and i went outside to surprise them. thank god na-surprised naman sila. yehey. we ate na rin kasi tomguts na kami. :)) hihi. nung bumalik kami sa drew`s.. medyo madami na ring tao. :)) kudos to those who came. masaya eventhough naubos agad yung favorite. then, meron pang nag-interview and nag-video sa amin. haha pero kinailangan ng idiot board. tsss. may kamukha yung nag-iinterview. blech. nevermind. haha! then, first time ko atakihin ng hyper-acidity. hindi naman kasi ako ganito before. plus the fact na lagi naman akong umiinom.. we ate pa nga, remember? kaya huminto din ako.. badtrip kasi yung whiwhi though masarap siya and hindi nakakalasing. pero medyo namula and naging tipsy ang lahat pero when aris called yen, nawala na. hehe. kasi may nangyaring bad kay mitch. na-accident sila sa white plains., e medyo nakainom sila.. haaaay.. parang kanina lang nandito pa sila sa drew`s at nakikipag-inuman samin tas biglang naging unconscious si mitch then 9 daw yung GCS. lets pray for her.

mga 2am na, we went to the medical city to check if mitch is okay. she`s still there sa ER. trauma room. ano ba to, this week, 2nd time ko na to sa ER. eh were bored dun sa hospital so we just took pictures. and vain talaga!! err plus ang dami namin. sumuka pa si marky sa front door ng ER. great. full support! hehe sana maging okai na ang lahat. :)) responsive na siya and yun nga, medyo weak pa yung left extremities niya. get well soon mitch!

nag-sleep over ako kanila pam. hehe. thanks pam! belated happy birthday! loveyou zoobuddy! mwah!!


Speechless mode

since i don`t have anything to say.. ill just leave ya`ll with a quote. just read them if your conscience permits you.

I feel so empty.. I guess this is what loneliness means in its truest essence, that eventhough your amidst happy faces, it still feels like you`re locked in an empty room ALONE, that even if you scream at the top of your lungs, no one can hear you, no one can understand.. And you realize that they go on with their own lives without them knowing that you`re crying desperately for help. for the most painful tear doesn`t fall in the eye, it flows endlessly in the heart.

haaaay *sigh*


Nasaan na kayo?

bakit ganun? parang nag-iba na ang ihip ng hangin. wala, heto na naman ako.. pakiramdam ko`y iniwan na naman. kahit sabihan niyo akong madrama, ok lang. wala akong pakialam. nais ko lang malaman ninyo kung gaano ko kayo ka-miss.

una- ang barkada ko. Miss na miss ko na kayong lahat. yung tayo lang. inuman. bilyar. tawanan. tomas morato. timog. e.rodriguez. kainan. kape. bastusan. babuyan. pa-cornihan. tambay kahit saan. tambay sa bahay nila yen. sa condo nila pam. sa shang. hapi house. pag sabado night. yung stupid jokes ni papsy. ka-inosentehan ni pam. ka-vainan at kagandahan ni yen. ka-boyeltan nila nadz, net and mary. kaliitan ni jerlyn at si nell. basta, lahat.

nitong mga nakaraang linggo, wala na akong nakakasama sa inyo. lahat may sarili ng mundo, busy masyado sa eskwela at para bang ayaw magparamdam ng mga ka-toto ko. kundi ko lang kaklase si boybastos, siguro hindi ko na rin siya makakasama. si nell naman, kahit ka-sched ko bihira lang din kami magkita. si jerlyn, tuwing sabado ko lang nakikita pero hindi naman kami nagkakasama. Miss ko lang talaga yung dati. HAAAAY. nakakatawang isipin.. ganito ba talaga ako magsentimyento pag may gusto akong makita at makasama?

Kapag ang isang bagay nawala sayo at hindi hinanap, hindi mapalitan, hindi makalimutan.. Dapat na lang itong tanggapin.
--CINEMALAYA, tulad ng dati

Its better to be dead than always have to hide

nyeh. Hiding is not the answer to all our problemssss. if you want to escape from it, then do something great. PRAY. and face it.


Less than a minute.

super tiring week.
okai lang, bumawi naman ako nung saturday and sunday eh. i watched little man (saturday) and the devil wear`s prada (sunday). hmmm. mas gusto ko yung little man. super laughtrip. harhar. O shallow lang talaga ko? basta, walang pakelamnanan.:))

BER.. BERRY MUCHOOOOS!! september na. poor na. :))

Sept. 3- Happy Birthday Nell
Sept. 5- Happy Birthday Jayvee
Sept. 14- Je & Pam`s birthday
Sept. 18- Nadine`s birthday

haaaay. its already 10.56pm, i forgot to eat my dinner. pero alam kong hindi ako nakapagdinner. labo. kasi gutom na ko. waaaah! im very busy. yehes. imagine, 7hours straight infront of this monitor. ang sakit sa mata. bwisit kasi yung c.i namin. argh. hate her. i rushed 6 papers to be passed tomorrow. isn`t that wonderful? ooohlala. nakakabwisit. e wala pa naman akong sleep since sunday. to make things even worse, super sakit ng legs, shoulders, back, thigh, joints.. lalala omg! ang sakit talaga. super. guess what? i have 6 patches all over my aching body. yiii. massage please. ang sakit talaga because of our practical exam in Red cross. bwisit yung instructor. hindi na ko makatayo. then, nagpractice pa kami for our Indian dance the other day and kanina, sumayaw na kami. ang sakiiiiiiiiiiiit talaga!


I am a print of darkness on a square of film.


TOOOO-ROOOO-ROOOOOT.

sohorr. hell week eh.

Monday
- Orientation (National Centre for Mental Health)
- Greenhills after Orientation (Martin`s birthday!)
- Red Cross. lecture- life support.

Tuesday
- Espanol exaaam
- Red cross lecture again.

Wednesday
- zzzzz.
- thesis presentation

Thursday
- NCMH
- self-awareness
- discussion
- megamall with donna and pam.
- yehey!

Friday
- NCMH
- art/music interpretation
- play therapy
- ECT/electric shock therapy
- inuman @ 1920

Saturrday
- THESIS proposal