A SAD CHILD

You`re sad because you`re sad.
It`s psychic. It`s the age. It`s chemical.
Go see a shrink or take a pill,
or hug your sadness like an eyeless doll
you need to sleep.

Well, all children are sad
but some get over it.
Count your blessings. Better than that,
buy a hat. Buy a coat or pet.
Take up dancing to forget.

Forget what?
Your sadness, your shadow,
whatever it was that was done to you
the day of the lawn party
when you came inside flushed with the sun,
your mouth sulky with sugar,
in your new dress with the ribbon
and the ice-cream smear,
and said to yourself in the bathroom,
I am not the favorite child.

My darling, when it comes
right down to it
and the light fails and the fog rolls in
and you`re trapped in your overturned body
under a blanket or burning car,

and the red flame is seeping out of you
and igniting the tarmac beside you head
or else the floor, or else the pillow,
none of us is;
or else we all are.

Margaret Atwood


O blind cupidity and insane eager.

20 years and still counting.. that long? OMG! :)) nothing so special. i had a dinner with my barkada (yen, jamie, pam, net, nadz, nell, je, karina, jayvee, popsy, tim and john). i sooo missed them. no more inuman session since im undergoing a medication. like right nooow. wahaha! antibiotic for my inflamed eyes. kawawa. tsk. i hate my eyes. no more contacts for me... i should wear my glasses (again!).

good thing, they replaced rhumba with java. haha! looveit. pero rhumba pa rin, diba kuya mark?

someone just gave me a bouquet of oh-sooo-pink roses (___ is sooo sarcastic for giving me pink roses! i hate that color but i soo love the person who gave it!) who`s that someone? who`s that someone? secret. jjhfiwiopkswoeaknz. no clue. but if your IQ is above 110, you`ll probably have an idea kung sino. relaaak! secret! :)) zoobuddy is love. funfun.


NOW PRESS *

[PREPPY]
[ ] You spend half an hour doing your hair.
[ ] You go tanning/lay out
[x] You watch Laguna Beach.
[ ] You own something designer.
[x] You love going to the mall.
[?] You like Paris Hilton
[x] You take your cellphone everywhere.
[x] You own an iPod and/or an MP3 player.
[x] You love Starbucks.
[x] You love flip flops.
Total x's= 6 + ?


[GOTH]
[x] Red or black is your favorite color. (black!)
[x] You have thought about death. Not in the way
you're implying like...
[ ] You wear chains.
[ ] You like heavy metal.
[ ] You love Hot Topic.
[ ] You have worn black lipstick.
[x] Your hair is dark.
[ ] You dislike preps.
[ ] You're an atheist.
[ ] You have/want piercings in unusual places?
(Eyebrow, nose, lip, tongue, bellybutton, etc.)
Total x's= 3


[PUNK/SKATERBOARDER]
[ ] You skateboard.
[ ] You wear plaid.
[x] You love Converse.
[x] You think you're different.
[ ] You hate MTV.
[x] You like to mosh.
[ ] You have/want blue, purple, or green hair.
[ ] You love skater boys/girls.
[x] You hate pink.
[ ] You hate rich kids.
Total x's= 4

[NERD/LOSER]
[x] You like computers.
[ ] You like Star Trek.
[x] You wear glasses. (and contacts..)
[ ] You get straight A's. .
[x] You love reading.
[ ] You have a curfew.
[x] You always do your homework.
[ ] You never cut school.
Total x's= 4


[EMO]
[x] You're depressed.~
[ ] You have black-rimmed glasses.
[ ] You like Thursday.
[x] You comb your hair in front of your face.
[x] You cry easily.
[x] You hate being called emo.
[ ] You keep a journal/diary.
[x] You have written a sad poem.
[ ] You have had a sad MySpace layout.
Total x's= 5

[GHETTO/GANGSTA]
[ ] You like rap.
[ ] You wear Tag.
[ ] You say "nigga" frequently.
[x] You drink often.
[ ] You wear rubberbands in your pants.
[ ] You swear a lot.
[ ] You have had a freestyling contest.
[x] You have said "fo shizzle".
[ ] You have been called a "playa".
[ ] You wear Converse with the tongue flipped out.
Total x's= 2

[SCENE/HARDCORE]
[ ] You wear a bandana.
[ ] You love Pokemon, the Ninja Turtle
[ ] You never walk anywhere.
[ ] You wear slip-on Vans.
[ ] You love Norma Jean.
[ ] You wear band tees.
[x] You love to "hardcore" dance.
[ ] Your hair has been dyed in more than one color.
[ ] You Will kill if called a satanist or goth.
Total x's= 1


LAST DAY.

june24.
19 + 1 = 20. im now twenty y/o. something the wrong? ..so what? anything the matter?

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MY TWO BEAUTIFUL KA-BIRTHDAYS..

niq landrito and abbie almasco. ♥


SANA.

..may pakpak ako. syempre, para makakalipad para mas madali kasi wala namang traffic sa langit diba? tapos pwede pa akong makipag-kaibigan sa mga ibon sa himpapawid. lilipad ako sa pinakamalayoooo. pupunta ako doon kung saan ko man gusto. para naman maranasan ko ang maging HIGH. maliligo ako sa ulan tapos sasabihin ko kay God ihinto na niya yung kidlat kasi takot ako dun. kung darating na ang gabi, hahawakan ko ang mga bituin sa langit :)). maglalakad at matutulog ako sa buwan tapos may kumot pa akong dala. at sa huli, baka sakaling makapag-slide pa ako sa bahaghari tapos mahahanap ko yung hidden treasure daw sa dulo.

..marunong ako magalit. kasi, wala pa ata akong nakakagalit. ewan. ayoko kasi ng pakiramdam ng may kagalit. parang ang bigat daw ata. kadalasan, sumosobra na ang mga tao yung tila pinagsasamantalahan na ang kabaitan mo (o, wag mag-react).

..meron akong pride. kahit konti man lang. pero lintek, wala akong pride. fried chicken. waha! yinuyurakan na ang pagkatao mo, wala pa rin. mahinang klase.

..madami akong panahon para magsulat. saaana. gusto kong magsulat ng magsulat hanggat mapudpod ang mga daliri ko at sumuko ang kompyuter at maubos ang papel. alam naman ng ibang tao kung gaano ako ka-adik magsulat. ano nga ba ang nakukuha ko dito? ewan. syempre, nailalabas ko ang sama ng loob ko, mga hinanakit, paglalakbay, kasiyahan at kalungkutan. masaya magsulat.. subukan mo.

..mailathala ko ang mga sinusulat ko. punyemas. hindi ako writer. gusto ko lang sana ma-ipublish pero syempre..hindi ako magpapakilala. asa!

..maging photographer ako. balang-araw matutupad din to, alam ko. SANA. sabi ko kasi sa nanay ko, pagkatapos ko ng kolehiyo kukuha ako ng kursong photography. nahuhumaling kasi ako sa paligid ngayon (kahit wala naman daw maganda!) pero meron kaya. hindi lang kasi nila nakikita ang kagandahan ng isang bagay.

..marunong ako mag-drawing. naku. isa sa mga frustrations ko to. pero wala eh, hindi ako pinanganak ng may talento sa pag-guhit. pero na-aapreciate ko naman yung mga gawa ng mga artists.

..maging doktor ako, punyemas. madami talaga akong pangarap.. ewan ko ba. libre naman mangarap diba? gusto maging pediatrician (matagal na ko na itong gusto pero ewan ko kung matutupad pa) e yung kurso ko nga mahirap na paano pa kaya kung proper na. haaay. mahal ko kasi ang mga bata. at naawa ako sa kanila pag nakakakita ako sa mga ospital na batang may sakit o tinutirukan ng karayom. nakakaiyak. mababaw kasi luha ko pag dating sa mga ganung bata.

..maging psychologist ako. kung hindi ako nagkakamali, second choice ko ata before ang psychology, tapos ngayon sobrang nagkakaron ako ng interes sa mga taong may sayad. haha! gusto ko malaman kung bakit ganun ang mga behavior nila at kung may magagawa pa ba ko para maibalik sila sa normal.

..maging payat. as in payat. closer sa pagiging skinny. pero wag na lang. para san pa? diba? e mahal ko na ang katawan ko.. at yung mga taong nagsasabi na sexy ako, punyemas.. ewan ko kung anong meaning ng sexy para sa kanila.

..luminaw ang paningin ko. waaah. para sa inyong impormasyon, 250-250 ang grado ng mata ko.. idagdag mo pa ang astigmatism. hindi ko rin alam kung bakit sobrang naging ganito ang mga mata ko. inaabuso ko ata masyado! alam nyo ba na hindi ko kayang mabuhay ng wala ang contacts or salamin ko. kasi pag wala sila, wala na akong makita. kaya yumuyuko na lang ako minsan.. :)) or yung mga taong tumatawag sa akin sa malayo, hindi ko talag sila makita. waaah! sana may pag-asa pa maging 20-20 yung vision ko.

..may supermegapowers ako. tulad ni jean sa xmen. wala lang.. para whoa! amazing!

..mayaman ako. una, para tulungan ang mga mahihirap (alam kong hindi kayo maniniwala.. pero totoo yan!) pangalawa, para ibigay sa lolo ko kasi gusto ko siyang bigyan ng madaming madaming salapi.. wala lang. gagawin niyang pamaypay. haha! pangatlo, para makuha ko lahat ng materyal na bagay na gusto ko. o relaaaak.. hindi ako mukhang pera, pero gusto ko lang magka-pera para makapag-invest ako ng kung ano-ano tapos papatayo ako ng negosyo at papalakihin ko. OMG!

..magkaron ako ng madaming oras para sa pamilya ko, sa barkada ko, sa mga kaibigan ko at sa kahit sino. labo!

..dumating na siya. medyo matagal na rin akong naghihintay pero wala pa rin. ano na? kelan na? nasaan ka na? gusto ko lang naman maging masaya.. masama ba yun?


BOUND TO THIS HELL.

pota. sky`s the langit. haha:)) i read an article about Melanie Marquez.. wala lang. nothing new..i wanna share my thought sana but id rather keep it on my own. next time na lang. sohoreh, busy eh and besides baka may masaktan lang ako na fan niya.

my mind is.. as good as new. parang someone refreshed it (haha! computer geek na!) basta, i dunno if im happy or what. IM FULFILLED. yun lang. i should say na one of the factors is the book that ive been reading. this book is great and siya ang pinaka matagal kong binabasa (not yet done). as in, til now. haha! and hindi siya aabot sa birthday ko which is on he 24th of June. im sooo excited to finish it. sobrang a must-read book to!

kahit na im not yet done with it, feeling ko madami na akong natutunan.. about everything. life, money, struggles, pain, passion, love, fear, blaaahblah.. basta, super worth it. then, i realized that i come from where i most long to return.


HINDI AKO MAYAMAN! ..YAYAMAN DIN AKO

I remember a million things. everything isnt right. haha. sorry for the crapness. by the way, that title was yen`s favorite line. then, the circus went on..

i also loved that line.

yesterday, an old man once said: `tinapakan niya ang pagkatao ko.` that line might be famous in some telenovelas, pinoy films, teleserye and some kill-the-drama acts. but this time, the man is mad. that old man wasn`t inside the screen. He who should be praised is now down on his knees..


BETTER LATE THAN LATER.

exactly.
sawakanabasamgahasslesabuhaymo
edikungakosayobasahinmotoparas
umakitangulomotaposparamagfrea
koutkanadindiyansakinauupuanmo
yanangnilalamanngmgataongwalan
gmagawasabuhaypilosopoakokasiw
alaakongmagawaetoarawarawnagla
lakbayhindikoalamkungsaanakopa
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kopupuntakasipahingaakongayont
aposwalaakongmagawaedikumainak
onghotcakekausapkokagabiangtit
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asijeandgaboparabumilingbastac
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nalang,wagmagalityungtaofeelin
gkokasimagagalityunpagnakitani
yaatpagnalamanniyadibalebastak
ailangankolangmabigayitoumalan
manobumagyopeaceloveandunityku
ngakosayowagmonangbasahintodah
ilhindimoitomaiintindihanathin
dikorinipapaintindisayopakkyum
engrabenamanumuulansalabastapo
sangdamingtaokahaponbukasmeron
akongmisyonnadapatmatupadchend
enanaminyunbastaalamnayunngmga
taosalamatsapagiintindiatsamga
nakakaunawawownaunawaanniyoang
nasaisipkobutipakayonagetniyok
asihindikonarinmaintindihanehp
eroalamkoanggustokonggawinsang
ayonatyunaymagpasayangibangtao
kayakotobastananiniwalaakonach
endenailoveiloveiloveiloveilov
e.nabasamobaangutakko?

whatever it takes.